Baingan-lores

November Rain

2010-11-25T13:24:00.014+05:30

This has been a year of contradictions. With some happy and some sad moments, it has been nothing short of an adventure. While I am glad the year is finally coming to an end, it will forever live in my memory. They say when it rains, it pours. Well, this year the sky fell upon me on Sep 1 when dad passed away. But the seventh heaven beckoned on 12.11.10 when my child was born. In January, I felt sad shifting from my old rental place because Cubby was born there. Little did I know, in less than a year the new place would enjoy the same privilege.

The ped came out of the OT on that cloudy Friday morning and asked "Who's the father of the baby?"; when I went up, he clasped my hands and said "Congratulations, you have a daughter. Both mom and kid are healthy". This time, we were so sure it would be a boy (determining sex of the foetus is illegal in India, so it remains a surprise) that I was once again at a loss to react. Just like we were so sure it would be a girl the first time round. Happily, Bub (short for Babli, which is what I plan to Blogname her after that spunky movie character) completes that fervent dream for me and my family.

The next 3 days were just a pleasant cycle of going home to pack the food, visiting mom & bub during the day, and cleaning poo between snatches of watching "Rakhi ka Insaaf" on TV. Curiously, stormy winds and lashing rains kept the weather cold and wet. Who'd have thunk we'd worry about clothes drying for a November baby?!!

Wife's folks were such a fabulous support and continue to protect our sleep even today, isolating us from Bub's nightly wailings. No one can pamper us like moms can -- it is such a blessing! The hospital, a smallish affair close to home, was also a great caregiver. Pleasant rooms, pleasant nurses and despite the chaos in the outpatient area the inpatient billing was a breeze. The best part is how chilled the doctor was, making our lives that much simpler.

The highlight of this birth was to see how my first-born would react. We were all eager to know, and that wait got extended because he went to school, then went home, then had a bath and followed his routine before arriving around 2PM.

At first he didn't know what to make of this bundle in the cradle. He had always seen his sibling as this extended tummy of his mummy, and now to be asked to believe that this very real baby is that tummy was a bit much. But he is a sweet kid and within a few minutes, Bubli was in his lap. Of course, we sweetened the deal by making sure he enjoyed hospital visits-- Bourbon biscuits, fruit juices, chips, jumping on the bed and running down the stretcher-ramp. By the last day, he was all excited to decorate the house for Babli's welcome home and even helped carry the bags.

Ever since it is a pleasure to watch him copy us in every way-- whether rushing to fetch the wipes, replacing the nappies, singing her to sleep or just random acts of affection. Considering she gives zero response so far, I am impressed that he keeps at it without losing interest. I am told the sibling rivalry truly kicks in only little later. Somehow I have a feeling it is not going to be that bad for us...! In fact, he seems to have grown up little too fast-- and we need to consciously treat him like the child he is. Suddenly, he is all mature, all caring and very understanding. Believe it or not, he even seems taller than he was!

We are also experimenting with an ammaji imported from our native this time. That has been going great and she is a huge support. Such a professional despite her illiteracy, it is a comforting sight to see her massage and bathe the baby. Sadly, she's here only for 3 months and will get us addicted to the good life by then. Like all modern parents, our #1 worry is finding someone to raise the baby we produced ;-)

As we look back upon the last nine months, we have a lot to be grateful for. The best of all was the love and blessings created in the blogosphere, which truly made the experience fun and protected us from evil eyes and Voldemorts. As per the wife's instructions, one of the first few sms's to go out included the blogging moms. I even asked some of them to pray hard, when they wheeled her in for the (brrrr...) operation (ok, ok, i mean, the C-sec). The fabulous baby shower, the elated announcements, the many many congratulation messages, some very sensible advises on managing siblings, the baby-name polls.... thank you, ladies, for making it all SO special.

Sach, is baarish mein aaj doob jaane ko mann karta hai.

Welcome, princess. Wish you a life full of health, zest for life and a sense of humour...

The Mask (1994)

2010-09-15T09:54:00.008+05:30

A short poem created in 1995, when the world seemed to be collapsing around a confused teenager. I crossed that bridge to become what I am today. A confused dad. This is dedicated to the force that led me here.... and beyond.

Titled: fooling me into living (Dec 21, 1995)

Tensely

I exclaimed that I just couldn’t sit to study.

“Don’t”, He said.

I finished off the syllabus within two days.

I am lonely because I don’t have any friends.

“Congratulations”.

It is always lonely, He said, at the top.

I gave the performance of a lifetime. It was a flop.

He smiled.

I was “far ahead of my era to be appreciated.”

I have no goodness in me and my life is a mess.

“Agreed.”

I decided to live, and with the badness, after all.

I discovered that He’d been lying all along, to me.

“Of course

I lied”, He said, “...to let you discover the truth.”

Dad/Daadu: Friend, Philosopher and Guide

2010-09-10T12:38:00.001+05:30

Cubby's favorite daadu passed away last week. These rare archives of the great moments they spent with each other are all that remain. It is pure joy to see them bounce off each other. Their bond was even stronger than the one I shared with papa; luckily, the brat is too young to notice the void. I do hope, though, that he remembers the love and fun-times with his daadu all those years ago.... when he is old enough.

RIP, dad. You'll be missed.

Good night and take care... (just a bad dream)

2010-03-30T00:10:00.013+05:30

Last week, we heard the tragic news of an attack that left my grandaunt fatally wounded and my granduncle fighting for his life. Someone broke into their house in Lucknow and bludgeoned them to death, even as my cousins slept in a room next door. I am still unable to come to grips with the absurdity of this violence. Did someone go this far only to "decamp" with a few thousands worth of cash and gold? What did such a docile, retired and charming couple do to deserve such a ghastly end?

Today my dad called to say that a cabbie for Wipro BPO suddenly accosted him in Pune and accused him of bashing into his cab. As evidence, he pointed to the missing rear-view glass. Oddly enough, there was not a scratch on dad's car and neither did he experience any "contact". The behaviour and circumstances of the accusation pointed to a well-planned extortion attempt. Thankfully, the cabbie was forced to retreat when the security and other people from the apartment complex came around to support dad.

Under the trying circumstances, dad did not think to take the cab's number or driver details. He did, however, note the ID card details of the other person in the cab. He did not look very presentable but carried a Wipro employee ID card. We thought the matter was closed and all's well that ended well.

At 10 in the night, the cabbie landed up at the doorstep of this old couple. What kind of security we pay for, that allows anyone to merely walk up 5 floors late at night, is a separate post. How the cabbie discovered where my dad lived is another scary thought. But there he was. Once again, dad decided not to get intimidated by someone clearly out to play the aggressor. Once again, a bit of yelling and crowd-gathering made the cabbie beat a retreat. Once again, the shaken parents did not get his details or even a cell-phone mug-shot. They just shooed him away and locked themselves in.

It is now past midnight. I am 1000 miles away from those who protected me all their lives. The people I love most in this world are asleep in the next room. The people I love more than most are, probably, tossing in their beds... their hearts skipping a beat at every rustle and noise in the darkness. All I can do is... nothing!

In India, going to the cops is worse than facing the mafia-- so that is not an option. The only security is anonymity. Today, my parents lost their cloak of invisibility. If the person was indeed from Wipro, we are hoping a call to their helpdesk will sort it out in the morning. If he was a ruffian posing as a cabbie, will we live in daily fear of his footsteps? His visit to the house was a clear message.

In the best case, he will take the cash tomorrow and leave us alone. In the best case, he will damage our car and leave us alone.

Until then, a most peace less night awaits us all. This is the land where I pay taxes and cast my vote. Yet, in this land petty goons are free to behave larger-than-life because, let's face it, it is THEIR representatives that we vote to power. As my favorite comic book says: Who will watch the watchmen...?

Even the most nastik of us, at such times, can only say: Please God, make this go away....

Update 24hrs later: We have found the cab number is MH 12 DT 1638. Once we sent that information to Wipro BPO, they confirmed it was one of their fleet. Just knowing that is such a relief! Many thanks to Mr.Mirza, the HR person who went above and beyond to assist us during the entire dreadful episode.

We are now waiting for the cabbie to arrive and take his money, and leave us alone.

Epilogue:

While this story seems to have a happy ending, maybe there is still a moral in this. Especially for the brave-hearts managing the runaway population (I won't say 'menace') of call-center cabs on our streets. We spent 2 anxious days because a foul-mouthed person invaded our home. Irrespective of who is at fault, intimidating an elderly couple in their own house at midnight is just not OK. Instead, cabbies should be instructed that in case of minor accidents, the matter be reported to transport coordinator. Let them take it forward with some decency and professionalism. In the absence of regulation and law, it is up to the BPOs to display sense of social responsibility.

Thanks for all your prayers and best wishes. Hopefully tomorrow morning this will just be a bad dream...

I Know What You Did Last Summer (Worked Guest Relations at ITC?)

2010-02-15T12:44:00.013+05:30

Just saw an example of lax security implementations and an appalling lack of understanding the nature of Internet among Indian companies.

Check out the CSV files at this link for detailed email addresses, designations and other details of executives at some of India's best companies. We know this was extracted from a jobsite, like naukri.com or timesjobs.com, because of the "job site" specific fields. Each CSV has 20,000 records!

naukri.com is a brilliant website when it comes to matching your skills to great jobs. The nature of their service requires that we share our contact details, work life details and location details with them. For a spammer or scammer, all it takes is an easy tool to scrape through their pages and voila! they can build a valuable database of the Great Indian Middle Class. This working, web-friendly population is also the who's who of most likely e-commerce users.

Unfortunately, timesjobs.com and naukri.com have no incentive to invest in stronger systems and processes that prevent their pages from becoming a watering hole, where spammers can hunt without fear. There is neither loss of revenue nor any penalties being imposed. In most cases, it is impossible to even prove that the data was leaked from them. After every attack, our toothless regulators get busy chasing after phantom "cyber terrorists". In fact, amateur mistakes in the sites/pages being attacked are large part of the problem.

They are not alone. Airtel, BSNL and Rediff are among critical sites that reveal personal data without remorse. Frustratingly, their help desk does not even acknowledge this criminal negligence, so I've rarely succeeded in getting them to take it off. For me, it took little more than a Google search to spot these lapses. A penetration test may reveal more-- especially around how they store our credit card data (in clear text? easily copied to an employee's USB disk? You'll be surprised!). If they have nothing to hide, they must make results of such tests public.

The way things are, the law punishes anyone who exposes criminal security holes in corporate infrastructure (the ethical hackers) while letting the offending corporation go scot-free. To add insult to injury, the Flashwala website is protected by another service called Privacy Protect. That means you cannot identify who is behind this abusive domain using WhoIs.com.

Once again, the criminals have all the "rights" :-)

Notwithstanding the number of "Do Not Disturb" registries you subscribed to, those pesky calls (and worse, phishing attempts) won't stop till the legitimate keepers of sensitive data are forced to own some responsibility. Ironically, even the so-called "best Internet companies" believe their job ends at slapping together a few pages of HTML code to build a "website". In the absence of any effective regulatory and penal mechanism, they are as careful with our credit card and personal information as a monkey with a Swaroski vase.

Giving them too much latitude, are we?

2010-01-18T10:49:00.010+05:30

Received an invite to share location data on Google Latitude from a friend. When I wanted to accept, Google said it is in no way affiliated with the script and I accept at my own risk. Huh? The URL has Google all over it, the page happens to be called Google Accounts and yet Google wishes to wash it's hands off any liability for Latitude. Why?

Like most Google inventions, Latitude overwhelms with its awesomeness. Like most of their inventions, it also petrifies with its power and potential for abuse. Today, most invasions of privacy that we undertake (like Googling the street-view of the boss' fancy condo) border on the benign and the legal. It won't take an Al-Qaeda to figure out more 'profitable' uses of the same. For all you know, it'll be your friendly neighbourhood bank (that epitome of unethical self-righteousness) that starts the trend!

Even the recent Chinese comedy demonstrates Google's cult status. Despite so-called public outrage, they acted against the spirit of the Internet in 2006. For profit. What's the wager they will not someday extend their benevolent gate keeping to other or all users of the Internet? Still, we will use and need to use Google; much like how Holmes needs his opium.

While the Freemasons, Scientologists, OPEC and 'The Temple of the Four Orders' bicker over grandiose plans of world domination, it's fait-accompli for a group of nerds .

The Big Shift

2010-01-13T16:43:00.006+05:30

We are starting 2010 with a house hunt. This is not even to buy, so the sleepless nights are absurd. One would think a city like this one would have a gazillion houses for rent. One would think all houses nowadays come standard with stuff you need. One would think the recession would help in getting a good deal (like my tenant sure did when we let out last year!). One would think wrong.

I am anyway paranoid about moving. Having lived in 11 cities and moving every 2 years, I imagined myself to be a seasoned mover. But all those were managed by les parents. Doing it yourself is completely different (and that's the least of things you learn to respect about those oldies, once you become a parent yourself). Apart from the physical movement, there's all the address-proof to be updated, KYCs to be re-known, phone lines to be shifted and blah blah. Then there's the making friends with new neighbours, making deals with a nice or not-so-nice new landlord and of course, praying for a quick and complete refund of the advance from the old one.

Just deciding on a house took us 3 weekends. Starting with a lovely house that had horrendous woodwork, through a small and expensive house with lovely woodwork, we almost settled on a cozy house with no woodwork till suddenly we saw a large house with passable woodwork. Being large it is not as cozy, but it's a corner flat so gets nice light and air from all sides. The colony seems to have kids and space, even though the people there seemed extra sensitive about "non-vegetarians". While we haven't hidden this fact, we hope the good Brahmins won't end up in the shower every time we say "Good morning" to them...

The clincher was that the place has a terrace all its own. That kind of put a stop to any further deliberation, despite the slightly higher tag and slightly inferior fittings. And a nice study table to boot. So I won't break my neck typing out these blogs. Or, er, even the white papers I must write for a living. And did I mention it is right at the corner of the block? :-)

The reason for the shift was simple: Cubby needed the space and security provided by an apartment complex. He also needed the friends that such places usually guarantee. Not that people living in independent houses stay friendless, but maybe this is just the Bambaiyya in me talking. Now that we have identified the right house, it is more than just Cubby. We can't help but dream of having friends over, decorating the walls with new stuff and spending time in the gardens below. Yes, we're kind of stretching the budget. Some say we might as well have paid an EMI. In the end, will it all be worth it?

The present house has been a blessing for us (our landlord claims its the Vaastu). I look at photos of the first time we moved here. The silly grins on our face. The long videos of each empty room. It was our first BIG decision after marriage. It was also the place where Cubby was born.

Will the new one be our "home" as well? I look forward to the memories that A-307 will create... Your prayers and best wishes will make that happen.

Tale of Two Cities

2009-12-30T14:55:00.015+05:30

Tweets this afternoon have gone on a creative overdrive. Sample these:

• sunayana Great. Now searching for #bandh gives both #hyderabad and #bangalore bandh updates. How convenient

• aksh_effect: I hope #Bangalore stops honoring the ancient Egyptian custom of burying prominent actors with some of their admirers.

• anand_bala #wtf #Bangalore The art of rumour mongering TimesNow style: "which reportedly could have lead to death of few"

• impiyush #vishnuvardhan died, office off, m confused m happy or sad :( as i cant utilize the time outside...

We are sitting in the office, focussing less on Windows7 and more on the windows that over look the street. So far the road seems peaceful, traffic seems normal, buses and autos are plying... but the sense of dread builds up every time one peeks at the TV news playing in the lobby. Those who could leave have gone, the others are packing for a long night at work. Or maybe a comfortable ride home at 6PM. We don't know yet.

All this fear and anxiety because an actor died a natural death. No bombs, no assassination, no conspiracy.

If you watch TV, you'd think Bangalore is already up in flames. Unheard of channels like the local TV9 are leading with sensational headlines, hoping this is to them what Gulf War meant to CNN. Established channels like Times Now are reporting deaths in police firing, without even a hint of proof. In the most irresponsible manner, they are fuelling rumor instead of quelling it.

In the absence of any genuine terror attacks, creepy serial killers or bomb blasts, the TV News people are clutching at every straw to exceed last-minute targets for 2009. So every rumor is announced as fact, only to be retracted later; every fly-swat is the next big crisis to hit humanity. The death of Vishnuvardhan, a popular actor in Bangalore, brings back memories of the riots that followed Dr.Rajkumar's death. Both were natural deaths, so naturally, people expected their fans to react by turning the city into a funeral pyre.

Some are even calling for all New Year celebrations to be called off. Already all shows of '3 Idiots' have been cancelled across the city (along with couple of screens that bothered showing any other film).

But the situation is hardly cataclysmic yet. At least not until we grant the 24X7 News guys their New Year wish.

Nowadays, seems like there is no difference whether it is Al-Qaeda or the local actor's Fan Club. Either one of them can come between you and your family, without the least bit of provocation.

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On a related note, it hurts to see how Hyderabad, a most beautiful and bubbly city, is being raped by the ones who profess to love it the most. I pray they leave her in peace soon.

Weekend Getaway: Galibore is anything but a bore

2009-11-02T10:56:00.008+05:30

On Gandhi Jayanti, our team decided to celebrate the end of recession with a team outing. In keeping with Gandhiji's focus on simplicity, we opted to camp under the stars in the jungles around Bangalore. Also to save money, just in case the recession was not over. After weeks of market research (ah! home ground for we are, after all, the marketing team), we zeroed in on Galibore fishing camp on the banks of river Cauvery.

The camp itself is a beautiful array of 12 cottages nestled among huge, green trees. There is nothing for miles around—no plastic, no vehicles, no food, not even roads. There’s no better venue for a reunion with Mother Nature.

We hired an outfit called Outback adventurers to help us in the wilderness. These guys were quite good although for some reason or other, 50% of the planned activities were scrapped. We did get our money back, so I'll try them again. They were ready for us with the first activity of the day—rafting—as soon as we hopped off the bus.

Getting into the life-jackets we felt adventurous already. After a brief safety speech by Sanjeev, our expert navigator, the real thrills began. A couple of rapids tested our synchronization and strength. No one fell overboard, which was kind of disappointing! A good memory was the 30 minutes we spent dunked (Swimming is too sporty a word for it) in the river, just relaxing. It was also useful practice in case we did go overboard. Drenched and happy, we completed the trip in about 90 minutes.

Back at the camp, the aroma of delicious chicken curry, spicy chhole and piping hot rasam beckoned us. Still in our wet clothes, we attacked the yummiest food we have had in a long time. Stuffed to the gills, we hung ourselves out on the hammocks to dry. After a brief rest, we took off on a short hike into the woods. Unfortunately, they couldn’t fix the mountain bikes so that activity was canceled. Went on a coracle ride instead, during which we scared a crocodile (yeah, right!). The crooner in our group filled the evening air with John Denver’s “Leaving on a Jet Plane” while the rest of us croaked “Row row row your boat, gently down the stream…”

The rest of the evening we lolled on the banks of the river, enjoying some barbequed chicken and salads, sat around a bonfire playing juvenile games from college. A round of “Truth and Dare” and “Two Truths and a Lie” revealed some dark and disturbing secrets. A blood oath prevents me from revealing the juicy bits here. Soon the frivolous banter turned into heated discussions about love, life and everything in between, which went on late into the night. We gained a lot of new perspectives and probably examined a few beliefs we had never questioned before. Basically, we were drunk.

By midnight, we crawled into our small tent and were off to Snoreville in 5 minutes. The weather was cool but not cold, cloudy but not rainy. They said generally the heat at the camp is sweltering, so I guess we were just lucky. After a peaceful sleep in the tents, woke up only at 6 to the sound of “Trekking at 7, saar. Please have tea and be ready!”.

This time we went up a short hill. We struggled in our Nikes and Reeboks while our guide leapt like a mountain goat in Hawai chappals. The top gave a breathtaking view of the meandering river. It was so calm and peaceful, we felt like staying up forever (also to avoid ambling down those slippery rocks again!). The official lens-men took this time to capture some artistic shots on their digital SLRs, especially one of us being led down the hill by none other than MG him-(err.. her) self. See the pic.

After all this exertion (especially for someone, uh… healthier, like me), breakfast never tasted better.They had the freshest bread and monster omelletes and to-die-for chutneys and... you get the picture, yeah!

Then it was time to leave. We bid a sad goodbye to the river, promising to return with our families soon. We thanked the staff (in cash AND kind) for the excellent service. The return journey was noisier, now that we were better friends than before. Singing and chatting, Bangalore came sooner than expected. Except for the final no-road stretch (about 10KM), the other 90KM has good road. Just the mad truckers and village-routes on Kanakapura Road keep you from relaxing.

We put ourselves back into managing release deadlines and top-lines, bottom-lines, knowing that the only "water-droplet on a leaf" we'd see for a long time now would be the Windows 7 desktop wallpaper. We said a silent prayer for the good people who dedicate their lives to maintaining such oasis of sanity and nature, away from barren information super-highways where Robotomized IT-wallahs like us journey without a destination.

As with every escape to nature, it's the getting back that feels like being 'recaptured' by prison guards.

High-Cost Flying and DG (no-see) A

2009-10-29T10:16:00.009+05:30

I remember appreciating the DGCA a few years ago for a rare attempt to show it is not owned by Prafool Patel, who is owned by You-Know-Who. It forced airlines to state the all-inclusive tariff on their web pages and ads. Otherwise, it had become a nightmare to compare Rs.1 tickets against Rs.0 tickets with varying levels of "fees and taxes". Sadly, now DGCA seems to have its hands full with lecherous pilots and runaway VIPs. The cartels work so transparently in the airline industry that a first-year economics student could write a paper on it. Yet, the regulator is unable, unwilling or uninterested in calling their bluff. Instead the Minister doles out a new package to these 'loss making' companies every few weeks, waiving off fuel arrears or infusing interest-free loans. In return, airlines continue to show more losses after paying for free VIP tickets, executive perks and poor-pilots strikes.

A list of the creative ways in which low-cost airlines get money that rightfully belongs to us, shedding tears while they do it:

1. No refunds if you cancel a ticket. The money stays with them. If you don't travel with THEM again within a SHORT period (like 6 months), you lose it. If you are someone old who travels just once a year, or a foreigner, too bad.

2. If you want clear instructions on how to re-use the balance, go rub a lamp. The website won't help. Spend half an hour on the phone, providing all sorts of verification, and then pay transaction charge for booking the new route (which is free in case of web booking). Fail one verification query, and lose it.

3. All this is on top of the cancellation fee which is often double or more the "base price" of the ticket (they claim the rest just goes to the fuel company or the government, anyway).

4. Even on a normal ticket, they have a paradoxical charge. There's the airport congestion fee (that implies LACK of airport infrastructure) as well as an airport development fee (that implies a GREAT new airport infrastructure) on the same ticket. Aren't these two conditions mutually exclusive?

5. Finally, of course, is the stale sandwich at airport cafes that somehow deserves to priced at Rs.150. By what logic, man?

I am all for paying a premium to get great service. Paying for services not used or exaggerated is plain disgusting.

It would be nice to see DGCA demand to know what percentage of the airlines' cash-flow comes from such unaccounted monies. It doesn't take a finance-whiz kid for them to park it safely in the "liabilities" column. Sure, it's a liability to carry someone else's money for 6 months and earn free interest on it, until it lapses and you can finally sieze it.

Liberalisation has opened a new can of worms for Indian consumers. Now that private sector has the flexibility to create confusing and complex packages and plans for most services, a regulator is required on top of them to ensure consumer rights. Somehow we feel this is an acceptable compromise in the absence of a consumer-forum with teeth.

So we have the IRDA for Insurance, TRAI for telecom, DGH for petroleum, SEBI for stocks, God-Knows-Who for cards and loans (that's a separate post) and DGCA for airlines. As scams in all these sectors have shown, the regulators have been as effective as the 70 year old watchman we have to guard our building gate. Unlike the old guard, who is a result of budgetary constraints, the sleepy regulators appear to be deliberate. It gives the appearance of control while allowing everyone to profit, usually at the expense of the consumer or worse, the exchequer (Hail Raja!).

The beauty of the scams lie in the fact that each unit of misdeed is too small to show up on the radar. It's the sheer volume in these sectors that bloats the sum total into a wet-dream for everyone involved. For example, the whole RIL-RNRL brouhaha is only about Rs.2 difference in price of the gas. The mutual funds have only been unfairly loading funds by 1% for so many years. Personally, the loss to me by the UDF-Congestion Fee oxymoron is no more than a piddly 200 bucks or so. Multiply that by 13 million travelers passing through Bangalore's airport alone. Now, stop drooling.

This "indifference" (of regulators and public opinion) has driven crores of unearned Rupees into the balance sheets of these perennially struggling service companies. Thankfully, we know their books are audited so all the losses must be real. Isn't that so, PwC?

The new 5-seater from Bajaj

2009-10-27T12:14:00.002+05:30

The 7th Deadly Win

2009-10-23T10:18:00.002+05:30

I know this is one of those oh-yawn-not-again ad efforts from Apple. But I just can't help but agree that they echo the exact way I feel right now. The only difference is, after months of gloom and depression, people WANT to believe that something is going to change their life for the better. Even if its only a brighter, more colorful default wallpaper. Which explains this.

Come, take a bite of the newest temptation from Microssssssoft.

Airtel mChek: Convenient but Confusing

2009-09-22T15:01:00.011+05:30

Online security is a completely different ball-game. Indian regulators haven't even begun to understand what it means. I am very confident that it won't take too long for a semi-smart hacker to enter and steal information from banks, telecom operators and public utilities. Every once in a while, I notice how many websites have extremely complex processes to hide very basic holes in their security policies.

I registered for the mChek facility of Airtel. This allows you to link all your credit card details to the cellphone number. Paying for services is as easy as sending an sms. The shocking part is that after I canceled my Airtel phone number, the credit card details continued to exist in their database. My linked mChek account is not deleted automatically when the Airtel account itself is deleted. I know this because on my new Airtel number, I get an error stating the credit card is already in use by another mChek account (2 months after that number is discontinued).

When I contacted Airtel, they asked me to contact my bank and get the credit card number changed. So every time I use a lousy service provider, I must get a new card? Wow!

To quote from their reply:

Please be informed that you need to register in your bank if you want to change the number for your card after registering in mchek. Hence we request you to change the number in bank by calling to bank call center and try to use mchek for your new mobile number.

This is unsafe because it reveals that Airtel as a service provider does not really understand how mChek works and how it is used (or misused). Any financial instrument must have the same checks and balances as a regular bank instrument-- online systems requiring MORE so. Why have so many checks on banks but none on a telecom company? In the absence of regulatory understanding, non-traditional financial offerings put too much onus on the user and too little responsibility on the provider.

This is just one example. I have seen similar security gaffes for banks like HDFC and broking houses like NJ Invest. Some time ago, I found all my personal details on a BSNL website while Googling. An application I sent them was available on their customer support server. A direct URL with NO login required! Luckily they took it off after I complained.

Mobile Commerce is new to India and a great technology evolution. These services must take special efforts to appear secure and belie the worries of tech-phobic users. Hiding behind opaque helpdesks and living in denial of breaches already made, is a dis-service to their own cause. The mChek page on Airtel does not even have a link to report bugs, errors or disputed payments. Your only option is the standard Airtel 121 helpdesk which is rather ill-equipped to handle these specialised (and sometimes, more urgent) cases.

Making the customer pay with either his time or money is preferable to securing systems and places where THEY must take an effort. After all, if all comes crashing down, the government is always standing by for a bail-out.

==============

Next Day Update:
The process is actually as simple as reporting the change of phone number to support@mchek.com and they delink the accounts. Someone at mChek with a knack for thwacking kulhadis on their own feet found this blog and offered to help. Very impressive in an era where they could have easily allowed brick-headed call-centers to play ping-pong with me. Thanks, Nidhi! Next up, try to convince Airtel to add some useful FAQ on their website and educate their L1 engineers about VAS support :-)

Watch Youtube in Gold Class

2009-09-15T14:37:00.005+05:30

Noticed this cool feature on Youtube. At the top right corner, they have a bulb labeled: "Turn off the lights". Clicking this icon darkens the screen area next to the Youtube video being played. Clicking it again restores the normal screen.

While this offers a neat theatre-like experience, especially when watching longer videos, it is also a quasi-environmental friendly initiative. Mad scientists have often attacked Google searches as being bad for the planet. Part of the attacks related to Google's love for the white clutter-free screens on most of their apps.

I love the way Google responds to every nutcase, whether it is Bing or Blackle. Tharoor should learn a few tips from them ;-)

Ganpati Bappa.... More... Yeah!!

2009-09-09T15:27:00.002+05:30

This huge banner near our house made us do a double-take. Looks like even Playboys need all the luck they can get, eh?

Theatre Review: The Great Lalula

2009-09-02T10:12:00.014+05:30

Wifey decided to make Cubby part of a historical moment in Rangashankara's history. The first time that they allowed 20 month olds to enter their hallowed halls-- a space normally reserved for 96 month olds and above. The promise was something special, only for infants and toddlers, in a language they'd understand-- Gibberish. We went to see "The Great Lalula".

It was a disappointment.

To be fair, Cubby did enjoy parts of the performance. He stood and clapped and waved his hands in glee. Some kids chanted along with the artists, some completed the rhymes before the artists could and others merely walked up on the stage, mesmerized. Everything you'd expect from a motley crew of 20 to 30 month olds. There was also some talking on the phones, some flashing of digicams and some running up the aisles: stuff you've come to expect from the yuppie, 'adult' Indian audience.

Despite the success of the play in getting li'l children to enjoy some theatre, I came away disappointed. Probably more for how they squandered a wonderful opportunity, rather than the performance itself.

Here are my reasons:

The artists took themselves too seriously. The focus was on technique. Their 'subtle manoeuvres' really didn't engage the "attention" of the young audience. It was a humorless performance.

Then, there was no music. Children respond best to 3 things: music, physical comedy and surprise. Surprisingly, all of these were lacking. The first half of the performance was too silent, broken only by utterances from the "poem". The actions were slow and deliberate, opera-like. It wasn't until they started clanging some utensils (10 minutes into the show of 20-25 minutes) that most children even looked away from their fidgeting to watch.

Secondly, I wish they kept bright lights on and had something cheerful happen on stage (peppy music, funny cartoons, maybe a clown/juggler?) right when the kids entered. The dark theatre intimated the kids and no child let go of their parents. I remember a performance of "Sleuth" at RS where they had "Tom n Jerry" on TV while people walked in and took their seats, just to set the tone for the "cat and mouse games" to follow.

"The Great Lalula" is acknowledged as a precursor to the Dada-ism movement in Germany. It is supposed to reflect the imaginary world of a child, where he can communicate and cook and drive and dress, all in his own way, in his own language (hence, the Gibberish). The thorn in this beautiful concept was playing it subtle. The priority should have been to connect with the children, even if it meant letting down your guard and engage in some goofy humor!

You think I should've gone to a circus, instead? Maybe.

Let the last word belong to the synopsis of this play on the RS webpage:

Imagine bringing your 20-month young into a theatre only to find a party is being organized – a party for children! And then a lady comes on stage and begins to entertain your children with song and dance, all in a language that only children understand! A mesmerizing world where words skip and dance, move, laugh, jabber, murmur, rustle, rhyme and sing.

Yes! That is what I went in expecting. A carnival of music, dancing, juggling. I wanted my kid to come back with stories and memories of that hour inside RangaShankara. I wanted him to enjoy the exhilaration of a live performance (not just TV), to feel at home in the theatre...

Just 10 minutes later, he had no excitement, no stories, nothing to repeat. That's my rant.

........

Trust me, we really loved this initiative by Arundhati Nag, to have a festival only for children. We have been big fans of Prithvi Theatre while growing up and while RS is yet to grow beyond its very local vision, we want this haven available to Cubby-- even as an iPod toting teenager. We will continue to be part of Aha! next year and every year it happens. With only a prayer that next year, they find some real performances, instead of being happy because a "troupe came all the way from Germany!"...

:-)

Why is Master Bates sulking?

2009-08-25T15:47:00.009+05:30

Every time a movie comes out in India, the Ban-chauves (a new term I coined for chauvinists always looking to ban something) come out in droves. The best ones are where the sulking party has no clue about the offending art in question. Remember the Slum-dog law-suit? Now the priests in Orissa have their panties in a ball over (what they assume to be a) "religious" slur in "Kaminey (2009)".

TOI Article

The glory for Lord Juggernaut from this jihaad? Maybe, a few lakh more "donations". And the look on the priest-faces when they discover it was actually about Lord Jack-on-nut all along? Priceless.

Only in India, man. Hyuk hyuk!!

Growing up wasn't half as fun as WATCHING this guy grow up!

2009-08-20T10:47:00.004+05:30

Just dropping a line to say you must read the brilliant re-cap of Cubby's two years on the planet, over at his mom's blog

A radio taxi service in Pune

2009-07-23T11:33:00.003+05:30

Living in India's Autorickshaw-Hell, also known as Bangalore, I was surprised to note that another city could inspire the same dread of being stranded without transport in the middle of nowhere. Unless, of course, you enjoy daylight robberies in which case there are rickshaws aplenty.

We were recently in Pune and realized that going from the airport at Lohegaon to a destination 15-20KM away can easily cost Rs.600 or more. This is from a pre-paid taxi counter (which is just a farce run by the taxi lobby; it is neither regulated nor reasonable). Going to the airport is another nightmare: apart from a higher price, you can never be sure of simply hailing a taxi or auto. For early morning or late night flights, be prepared to pay a King's ransom!

Delhi and Bangalore suffer from similar woes when it comes to rude, cheating rickshaw drivers. Luckily, both cities now have excellent radio taxi networks that assure a reliable, cost-effective and stress-free ride from anywhere to anywhere. All you do is call a local helpline, they track the nearest taxi on a satellite-system and usually send you a taxi within 15-30 minutes. Surprisingly, none of the major companies like Cel Cabs or Meru Cabs have a presence in Pune. That is when we discovered Wings Radio Taxi. Even the locals seemed unaware of their presence and it was only repeated searching on Google that helped us find them.

They seem to have a small but well-run operation in Pune. We have not used them extensively to comment on their service. However, what impressed us was that they took the effort of following up with us after we made a complaint regarding their service. The executive, Ms.Sneha, called us numerous times to ensure that we were satisfied and that the experience would be pleasant. The driver was also very polite and cheerful, although he kept chattering on the phone the entire time. Can't blame him, since even so-called educated people don't think twice nowadays about talking while driving-- putting everyone else at extreme risk, while they sit safely behind airbags. The vehicle was clean and well-maintained from inside. The exteriors were muddy but that could be just the famous Pune rains... The billing was metered and the driver was happy to return the change. We let him keep it, which he was happier to do :-)

A city with large student and senior-citizen population like Pune needs more such services. One hopes they maintain punctuality and discipline. Reliability and affordability are the #1 expectations from a radio taxi service. Good companies like Spot Taxi in Bangalore have died once their taxis started to come late or not at all. So far, it looks like Wings Taxis are on the right track. We wish them luck!

Bookings are made on a single central number +91 20 40100100 (14 lines)and this is a24X7 service

You can also make bookings (or complaints) at their website

The charges are a bit high at Rs.16 per Km (in most cities the average is Rs.12/Km) but that will come down with more competition. Minimum fare is Rs.50 (for 3KM) which seems fair. Given the low cost of running taxis on LPG, the high taxi fares are nothing but extortion in all cities. Until now, we even got rickety unsafe vehicles for that price but at least that is changing now.

PS: Atul's blog seems to echo most of these views. Have a look!

Watchmen - Two and a Half Watchmen (HD)

2009-07-15T14:52:00.001+05:30

Kinda nice...

Office 2010: The Movie

2009-07-10T14:53:00.002+05:30

Not generally a big fan of Microsoft, but this trailer.. ermmm.. advertisement for the Office 2010 suite hits the spot. Plus, let's face it, they did cleanse a lot of their sins with Office 2007. Right?

Pump up the volume and watch!

PS: Here's more from the creator of this movie.

Microfinance. Beyond empty slogans?

2009-06-30T10:38:00.011+05:30

Saw this banner ad on Parul's blog and clicked lazily. Was surprised to see something that looked worthwhile, for a change. Kiva appears to be an organization that helps online lenders provide small (or big) loans to poor entrepreneurs. These are semi-skilled people who will not get loans from traditional institutions (that are too busy paying hefty bonuses to care). All they need is a few dollars and some basic hand-holding to cross the bridge between destitution and dignity. Kiva does not guarantee that the money will be repaid but they do have a system to track the repayment. If you wish, the money can be re-lent or donated to Kiva for covering their opex. Click here for more

The reason I post about this is two-fold. One is that I found the simplicity of the idea marvelous. All you need to do is browse through profiles (just like say, on Facebook) and click a button to lend measly amounts starting from $25 to an entrepreneur you like. A progress meter shows how much the entrepreneur needs and how far they have succeeded. Often the principal required is as low as $500!

Considering how we end up spending $50 on just a weekend outing to the movies, imagine how the same "disposable" money could fuel the engine of growth for a poor family! Kiva, and others like them, are part of a humbling and direct effort.

The other reason I decided to express this post is that I am not sure how real this organization is. I only found this through a banner ad. On the Internet, how does one know whether the people behind the style-sheets are genuine, worthy individuals or merely scamsters out to squeeze the emotions (and dollars) from a blog-loving public? Look at the Fake Mommy fiasco, that fooled a lot of people for a lot of time.

Then, how does one validate that those stories of need and enterprise are true, that the money will reach them and that they will use that money productively? Skeptics wonder the same about established, non-transparent organizations like Cry and Concern as well. However, I was drawn to the simplicity and power of the change that microfinance seems to promise. "Garibi Hatao" with an agenda, not just with slogans.

I hesitate only because the Internet that makes things so simple, also obfuscates the truth.

Is there a way to ensure good intentions come with KPIs? Does it help to have other websites like this one tracking the myriad microfinance sites? Or is it even worth thinking so much about it? After all, when it comes to spending that same $50 on first day show of some new YashRaj Films trash, we prefer to leap before we look, don't we?

The "All Dressed Up But Nowhere To Go" Look

2009-06-22T16:00:00.011+05:30

I just couldn't get this picture from today's edition of Deccan Herald out of my head. The article was about a new "Breathe Fresh" campaign led by homemakers in Bangalore. Read more about it here

What captured me about the accompanying photo was not just the fact that they cropped the lady they were talking about. That part was funny! Notice the posse of auto-rickshaw drivers she is addressing? The way they stand, their doped eyes, the aggressive hand-postures, the leery expression... why, the Great Wall of Incomprehension that seems to separates them from her! No?

To experience one such look, when one is desperately seeking a ride home, is excrutiating. This frame full of those faces felt no less than gang-rape.

Anyone that has faced the misfortune of being at the mercy of auto-rickshaws in Bangalore will recognize that "i'm only here for a joyride" look. Whether at a lazy 3PM or anxious post-movie midnight, no logic drives the Bangalore auto-guy's refusal to ply. Whether one is pregnant, disabled, elderly or soaked, neither money nor pleading can move that inert soul slumped over a rickety handle-bar. In many cases, they grimace as if you just revealed your address as "39, Hell Street", before put-putting away... 300 metres to the next sideways nod. Sometimes it looks like they roam the streets only to score the highest Nos.

When one does agree to go, the meter is rigged (often, by just a rupee per KM). That translates into about Rs.50 extra for a cross-city return-trip. If caught, the robin-hood excuse is: "What saar, you are IT. So much you are earning. What is one rupee extra faar you?"

After my five year battle in the city, the auto unions have won. I pay them whatever they want, I go wherever they wish and simply walk the rest of the way. For I have seen, even the police is shit scared of their unions. They fail to enforce something as basic as the mandatory PUC check, while cutting down trees in Lalbag to ostensibly reduce pollution! Trucks, buses and autos spewing thick black smoke can pass under the running nose of traffic constables with not a whistle of alarm or protest.

To see a bevy of ~~sweet~~ brave hearts do something about the menace, instead of arm-chair blogging, is indeed news of the day. Extremely heartening! This huge population of commercial vehicle drivers and owners will steer us into or away from the gas chambers that they continue to create. If we can reach out to them, whether through education or torture, the time to do it is now before Bangalore turns into Bombay.

For all our sakes, I wish the "Breathe Fresh" ladies good luck.

America is back: Recession ends at least for CEOs

2009-06-15T10:01:00.005+05:30

After a long time, a Dilbert cartoon that I just loved. Succinct take on the "we are in it together, but YOU get laid off" attitude of CEOs and top management during the recent crisis. Sounds even funnier when read with this article, in Business Standard Weekend. To quote the author:

What these masters of the government rescue need now is a shopping list — a 10-step programme to restore their remorseless, reptilian souls and help them rediscover the unique thrill that can come only from being paid millions of dollars to provide services that are of no value to greater mankind.

More here

News Analysis: "Daggering" with Kim Jong Il

2009-06-08T15:01:00.011+05:30

Heard the sad news about 2 American TV journalists sentenced by North Korea to 12 years hard-labor. Their alleged crime was illegal entry into N Korea, which basically means they were conducting interviews at the border when the N Korean guards saw them, went over to the other side and forced them to come with them. This other news about 2 Kashmiri women, on the same day, only amplifies how secure people in border areas may feel with the runaway security guards all around them. In the latter case, the charismatic new Chief Minister, young Omar Abdullah, even dismissed the local allegation of rape and refused to entertain any investigations until the valley boiled for 7 days!

Coming back to the first news, these 2 reporters, in their 30s, have been charged with espionage and found guilty in a 'show trial'. US media, of course, is requesting that the innocent journalists not be used as pawns in what is actually a diplomatic stand-off. Their case is no more than North Korea dipping its toes in the Obama waters. They will tailor future provokations to US based on how the new administration tackles this negotiation and crisis. Neither the US nor North Korea have anything to lose, but the winner gains powerful credibility in the region.

What surprised me, though, was that these 2 ladies who risked their life to collect some politically sensitive, award-worthy news do not work for any news organization (like BBC or Reuters) at all. Their employer is a Silicon Valley start-up known as Current TV.

The Current TV home page is full of fluffy, sex-and-sensationalism type "news". They call it mash-ups and claim to offer some sort of "user defined" criteria of what qualifies as news. Whatever that may be, I did not see where a serious reportage about refugees from North Korea (that the 2 ladies were allegedly investigating) would find a place anywhere on this site.

Sample a few headlines:
Flavored Lube Tasting
So Where is ET Anyway?
'Apprentice' Results
'Big Brother' Entrants Revealed

What could have motivated two young, female journalists working for a web-tabloid to cross the border (or even venture close enough) into known hostile country during a known period of hostilities? Even if they got out of there OK, there's no way their 'serious' report would make it past the sub-editor at Current TV. Hell, I had a hard time finding even the story of their own plight on that site! Makes me wonder, what were the little ladies reeaallllly up to? Hmmm.

Search results for the term "Korea" on Current TV do not mention the incident

To cherry the cake, Current TV is founded by the man who invented the Internet itself-- Mr. Al Gore. Wow.

Is it just me, or is there an inconvenient truth lurking out there.... somewhere...?

PS: For a context of what the title of my post refers to, read this (be warned, though)

D'oh Kkknight and other Punxx

2009-06-08T14:50:00.005+05:30

I am a huge Simpsons fan. More in the hero-worship, role-model kind of way. Just discovered this artist who takes the 'worship" to a whole new level. This guy called Dean Fraser has kidnapped icons from TV, movies, comics and basically everywhere to make them live in the Simpson universe.

Have a look here

For the too lazy to click-through types, a sample is provided below.
...

Cool new website - Planet RadioCity

2009-06-04T14:29:00.009+05:30

Discovered this new initiative by one of India's leading music stations. An interactive video and music website called Planet RadioCity, along the lines of Channel V's vIndia and MTV. For a company not known for its online presence, this was a pleasant surprise. It has good features and looks promising. If only they'd reduce the intrusive ads until they have attracted a significant following. Unlike the MTV site, this one seems to have its heart in the right place (music!) and could become a better source of old and new music than shady sites like Raaga.com

Of course, seeing how they destroyed their wonderful brand in Bangalore one hopes they do not repeat the mistake with the website. From being the ONLY place for music in Bangalore about 3 years ago, they have come to a point where even cabbies don't listen to them anymore. All thanks to their absurd fetish for discarding brilliant programming like current topic discussions, movie spoofs, jokes, campus banter and good blend of regional/bollywood/english music in favor of only playing the latest Kannada songs. Even local friends who know the language cannot relate to their music anymore!

In my opinion, the blame lies more with the flawed government policy than with the station itself. By allowing a production company to run no more than one station per city, the government restricts them to playing whatever gets the maximum revenue. All stations end up playing safe and playing the same kind of music. Creativity, differentation and building taste becomes a casualty of petty culture policing. The next round of auction for radio frequencies must allow the market to decide who plays what music on how many channels per city. By making it cheaper to run radio stations, the government can truly allow them to enrich our lives.

Until then, this new venture by one of my favorite radio people will be keenly watched for some old-fashioned entertainment. The fact that I landed on their page after seeing a banner ad on some unrelated website means that at least their marketing guys are doing it right!

Movie Review: 99

2009-05-19T11:09:00.006+05:30

Cricket is a Religion in India. Meet the Fundamentalists.

The first question I have for Krishna DK, Raj Nidimoru and Anupam Mittal after watching "99 (2009)" is: "Why did you starve us for 6 long years since your last epic "Flavors (2003)"?".

Like their previous work, "99" is pure brilliance with a tight plot, jokes that work and pop-culture references that make you go "A-ha!". In other words, a MUST WATCH. The packed house at PVR on a weekday late-night show is testimony to that.

Kunal Khemu is an under-rated actor in the mould of Abhay Deol. Luckily, the latter has found his groove with the last couple of releases. Kunal is still stuck at 99 (pun intended), despite excellent nuanced performances in some excellent but forgotten films like "SuperStar (2008)". He has an easy charm and superb comic timing. At the same time, his vulnerable eyes poke through your heart during the tragic scenes. I really hope he breaks the jinx of successful child actors (like Urmila Matondkar, probably the only success so far).

This movie also enjoys the acting talent of powerhouses like Boman Irani (who started in similar Indy films like "Let's Talk (2002)" but now needs no introduction), Mahesh Manjrekar, Amit Mistry (a bonafide superstar at Bombay's Prithvi Theatres) and Cyrus Broacha. All these guys have significant theatre experience and it shows in their comic timing, body language and diction. In smaller roles, the bhojpuri actor and the sidekick provide many laughs with their natural presence. Among the ladies, Soha and Simone are important to the plot but don't have any spectacular scenes where they get to shine.

So here is my second question to Krishna DK, Raj Nidimoru and Anupam Mittal: "Why didn't you repeat the ravishing and very funny Pooja Kumar from Flavors, in the role of (who else?) Pooja?". She'd be so purrrfect-- and a treat to watch.

The production is very well designed. The movie is set in 99-2000 and it almost feels as if that is when it was shot. Be it the film hoardings across the city (imagine "Kaho Na Pyar Hai (2000)" blocking the skyline, for chrissakes!), the mobile phone models they use, the cars they drive or their amazement at the advent of "cyber cafes"--- this could well be one of India's first period films (NOT about the Freedom Struggle)! If anything, that's one award it deserves for sure. The background score is also well used and adds to the tension/fun of the chase.

As for the story itself, this is a chase/heist movie in the genre of what Guy Ritchie does. The two losers are on the run from everyone, with their IOUs adding up faster than Sachin's centuries. Their misfortunes and bravado makes for some very comic situations, without resorting to any toilet humor (well, almost) or Priyadarshan style confusion-climax. The audience kept laughing and clapping all through. Especially loved were the Bombay versus Delhi references (the cities are known for their cultural rivalry and chauvinism).

Some examples:
1. Juxtaposing the Bambaiyya abuse "Ticha Maaiiii Laa...." with the very Delhi "Teri Pennnn Di..." at 2 ends of a phone call
2. "Coffee? Is waqt? Yeh Delhi hai, tumhari Bambai nahi. Yahaan raat raat ko hi hoti hai"
3. "Dilli mein sab ladkiyon ke sirf 2 naam hote hain-- Pooja ya Neha" (that's SO true!)

The movie is peppered with cricket metaphors, delivered in Cyrus's inimitable style. Cricket forms an important part of the plot and it is made by true lovers of the game.

99 is 2 hours of pure fun. Even though it reminds you of many Hollywood films, it is not a copy but in their genre. This slight difference sets it apart from the 99% junk that Bollywood ends up celebrating annually with the likes of Anees Bazmee, Priyadarshan, David Dhawan and Hansal Mehta. So here's my third question for Krishna DK, Raj Nidimoru and Anupam Mittal: "Agli picture kab bana rahe ho?"

:-)

----------

Epilogue

Some hilarious "prophecies" they make in 2000:
1. "Na daud sakte hain, na maar sakte hain. 50 0vers khelne ki aukaat nahi hai. 20 overs ka match rakho, usmein world champions ban jayenge!"
2. "Main kehta hoon yeh cyber cafe, email, internet sab 2 din ke shauq hain. Zyada din nahi chalenge"
3. "I want to open a coffee shop". "You mean like a tea stall?"
4. "Ek din hum Amitji ko bhi le ayenge, Bhojpuri filmon mein..."

How to find a new tech job

2009-05-06T15:31:00.013+05:30

I must link to this post by Phil Montgomery, Marketing Guru and Tech Enthusiast.

An excerpt:

How to find a new tech job

Once you know what you are looking for, here are some suggestions, based on my own recent experience:
Don't let your ego dictate that you need the job with the biggest salary or biggest title. Choose the role based on your career roadmap and best fit - the happier you are, with the best fit, will produce the best long term opportunities.
Linkedin is easily the best job and contact finding service. Change your profile to show that you are now looking - insert a dummy company that says "looking for the next opportunity". Search the jobs available regularly, and apply for anything that looks promising. Recruiters regularly scan linked in looking for candidates.
Make sure you have Linkedin recommendations, and ask for them before you need them.
Always reply to recruiters, and build a relationship - even if you are happily employed. Recruiters remember people who helped them fill positions by recommendations.
Update your resume to two pages maximum. Remember that the aim of the resume is to get an interview, not the job. Be as results focused as possible, and have friends and colleagues critique the document.

Some of the most fantastic (and common sense) tips I have ever read about job interviews and job hunting. I agree with almost everything he says, including the part about using LinkedIn well and presenting non-confidential material to demonstrate past success.

"Brijj", a LinkedIn like feature on Indian job portal Naukri.com

Big salaries and big titles (even big companies) can be the biggest seduction, especially early on in the career. Fresh out of college, you generally have no clue about what you want to do or what technology excites you (but for a lucky few who know at the age of 12!). In my experience, I just waddled till the right breaks came through.

As a 10 year veteran now (ahem!), this is the advise I'd generally give to freshers:

Join a big, branded company for the first 2-3 years. With the credibility behind you, spend the next 3-4 years in a small company or start-up. No place lets you learn as much about diverse things, as a small company. Use that opportunity, at every turn. By the 6th year or so, you'd have a fairly good idea what you want to do next. Depending on that goal, let your 3rd company be a big player or an exciting start-up. Try and stay there for the next 10-12 years or more....

If you happen to fall into Plan B, do not despair. Join a smaller firm out of college, the best thing to do is slog it out as much as you can in the initial 2-3 years. Take on every task, related and unrelated. This experience usually gets you into the established companies that need the "grass root" skills only you have. By the 6th year, you should be able to get back to Plan A.

Do not let petty thoughts of politics and exploitation distract you. I don't know if its ambition or just too much TV, I see more young people now than before worry about that at the start of their career. Believe me, at that level you are too insignificant to be picked on. Everyone gets equally ragged, no discrimination there, and in many cases it actually helps you 'evolve'. If they make you work 14 hours a day and reuse your skills as a delivery-boy, that's just a perk of the job. Bet you heard that "builds character" speech already, eh? It's true :-)

For the remaining tips, I encourage you to head over to that article now.

The Economy Goes Bust -- Sales Need a Push Up

2009-05-06T14:25:00.009+05:30

Just came across this company called Systancia, based in France. This is a snapshot of their eye-catching website. The company touts itself as an alternative to the market-leader Citrix in thin-clients and application delivery software.

I am sure sales are slow and they must do what they can to grab some attention. No doubt they will be very successful with this sort of branding-- assuming their target audience is adolescent system administrators. Hyuk Hyuk

To be fair, one of the product-lines they develop happens to be called "Load Balancers". That might explain the visual theme!

:-)

Separated at Birth?

2009-04-27T15:06:00.006+05:30

Is it just me, or does Robert Pattinson (he played Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter films) look like the firang version of Imran Khan (our own Rats from Jaane Tu...)? Especially the determined jawline, the bushy eyebrows and the curling lips.

They share more than just an eerie resemblance: both were born on the 13th day of the month! Different months and years, though.

Would be nice to see Imran play the charming Vampire in the Indian version of "Twilight (2008)", eh?

"Main" Hoon Na

2009-04-06T16:29:00.002+05:30

Men's wretchedness in soothe I so deplore,
Not even I would plague the sorry creatures more.

Mephistopheles

No Right to Information = Wrong Information

2009-03-31T12:15:00.007+05:30

India now has a Credit Information Bureau. These things existed for years in US and look how they saved THEIR economy from bad credit! CIBIL, apparently, knows all about any loans, credit cards and outstanding debts that you have ever taken. This information helps banks to weed out habitual offenders while disbursing new loans. The CIBIL system can detect 'smart people' that try changing their address or birth year while re-applying, to create a report with patterns and histories. This is an important and much needed part of an organized financial sector.

While I completely support this move, my problem is with their lack of transparency. The information is only available to banks (members) and not to the concerned individuals. Their FAQ proudly states they are also beyond the RTI Act.

I believe there is no reason for agencies like CIBIL to hide their data. Knowing that I have a positive or negative credit score will not allow me to 'game' the system. If it does, the system needs to become stronger. Hiding the information does little to deter the rogues but could play havoc with the innocent.

Any system that pretends to be holier-than-thou and shies away from transparency in the name of 'security' is merely a ticking time bomb. Whether it was the great Indian bureaucracy or the WMD-hunting Bush regime, a 'closed' system was always rotting from within while failing to be effective in the stated, noble goals of larger good.

Unlike the West, India has no laws to regulate such agencies. While they are free to collect data on us, they are not required to send free credit reports. We must have a right to know what information they possess and also, the right to contest that information before it is too late. Our financial existence in this connected world depends on it.

A couple of personal "helpdesk" experiences with stock-reply happy banks have made me wary of such noble initiatives, if not supported by an equally noble redress mechanism.

When I started my career, HDFC sent me a free card and promptly levied some faltu charge on it. I got the card cancelled and never had or needed a credit card after that. Five years later, I started traveling international for work and needed a card with some decent limits. Applied to HDFC (which remains a trusted bank, otherwise) and was told that I am ineligible for a card since the system shows me with an open, defaulted card. They wanted me to find the old card and submit it for cancelation with a written letter. Five years after I cancelled the card. I was stunned. Luckily, this happened before CIBIL existed. I quickly got a card from another bank.

A second instance, more recently, was when Kingfisher Airlines decided to debit me twice for a flight ticket. The first debit shows up on my card, the second debit is merely "blocked". The result is my credit limit is exceeded until they "release" the funds. The card company and the airline are passing the buck, the former threatening to levy "over credit" charges and the latter saying they never blocked any funds. In the absence of a credible consumer court, what stops these agencies from giving us the run around?

Most people may not even notice such errors on the complicated statements. Not many in India (including me) possess the knowledge to detect, understand or follow-up on such financial jiggery-pokery. Faced with the daunting follow-up required, some may even elect to ignore this given the small amount.

In the CIBIL era, this goof might come back to haunt five or ten years later. Refusal to pay for the airline's mistake could cause us dear. The only way to prevent future shocks is to periodically know your credit score in an open, consumer-friendly manner.

By now, I am sure the powers-that-be have enough proof about the failure of self-regulation among financial insitutions. An overhaul of these hallowed institutions is overdue, before it hurts India worse than our friends in US.

--------

An excerpt from their FAQ, more here.

Access To CIBIL Information

Q.15 Who can access CIRs?

Reports can be accessed by Members on the principle of reciprocity ie only those Members who have provided all their data to CIBIL are permitted to access CIRs. Members can do so only to take valid credit decisions. Disclosure to any other person or entity is prohibited.

Q.16 Can the borrower obtain his own CIR from CIBIL?

No. However, if a Member has drawn a report on that borrower, a copy of the same can be obtained from the Member.

Q.18 Whether Right to Information Act, 2005 is applicable to CIBIL?

No. The reason being that the CIBIL is not a “Public Authority” as defined under Sec 2(h) of the Right to Information Act, 2005.

Basic Car Audio

2009-03-30T10:48:00.002+05:30

I have a less than fancy car at the moment and did not want to spend too much on the in-car audio. While good music on the road is a necessity, I somehow did not feel comfortable spending upwards of 15-20K on this accessory. Recently, I managed to outfit the car with a basic car audio under Rs.10,000 that seems good enough for city driving and easy listening.

In case anyone is interested, the dents in the pocket were as follows:

Kenwood KDC-MP342U headunit (USB input, iPod, MP3 and WMA compatible) = Rs.7500

JBL GT5-S204 4" coaxial speakers (including installation) = Rs.1500

Total = Rs.9000

Headunits without the USB connector were available for a thousand bucks less. Now that I think about it, maybe I could have saved that money and burned cheap CDs instead.

I got it installed from Dinesh at Junction for Car Accessories at 4th Block Jayangar (close to the Jain Temple, opposite RV College of Nursing). He is a pleasant chap and completed the job in less than an hour.

Anyone here knows more about car audio and how to get a good one without blowing the pockets? Lots of info on high end systems but nothing for the rest of us on the audiophile websites :-)

Open Source Mehbooba

2009-03-27T16:58:00.002+05:30

Probably one of the worst kep secrets of Hindi cinema is the blatant and rampant music plagiarism even by the most talented composers. This one was a slight shocker because "Mehbooba" remains one of India's catchiest dance tunes, even 25 years after its release. I was over awed at the efforts Burman da took in the days before Internet and iPod, to actually find obscure music and turn it into a national anthem.

Now I am kind of sure a little digging will reveal even the other tunes in Sholay were "inspired" (apart from the obvious Sergio Leone theme music)

More Flames from the Bush Fire

2009-03-17T16:28:00.007+05:30

AIG 'forced' to give $450 million bonus to those responsible for the financial crisis.

Apparently, the commitment to pay was made before AIG collapsed, so they are legally bound to honor it. A different matter that without the bailout, there would be no AIG, no job and no contracts left to honor. Ed Libby seems to be a firm believer in Marie's policy of "letting them eat cake". With a little help from the no-strings package deviously devised by Henry Paulson (Treasury Secretary in Bush administration)

In related news, a large part of the bailout money to AIG, organized by then-Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson (ex Goldman Sachs), ended up in the hands of Goldman Sachs. A friend in deed...

Yediyurappa and his Victorian Secret

2009-03-10T00:26:00.008+05:30

Bangalore Police raided a party on Sunday but failed to find any drugs. These
youngsters have been booked for hosting a party without permission and also
for obscene dancing. The party was organized by sons of Mr.Ramakrishnaiah,
an official attached to primary education minister Vishweshwar Hegde Kageri.
The sons were not arrested due to pressure from senior police officials.

This qualifies as "Skimpily Clad" in Bangalore's definition.

By this standard, the cops should stand at the Immigration counter in BIAL. They will be able to arrest twice this number every hour for few more millimeters of leg seen on arriving foreign (and Indian) passengers.

I do not support rave parties and indecent behaviour. As a parent now, I want a safe and comfortable social life for my son once he goes to college. However, as the same parent, I do not want to live in a society where the rule of fear is passed off as the rule of law. Where I am more afraid of self-appointed moral cops in the garb of state cops picking up youngsters for "crimes" like dancing, singing and wearing knee-length skirts...

Victorian prudery is one matter. Talibanization of India is a whole another worry. Don't we have enough to put up with already, without sacrificing one of the best qualities that still redeems India over many developed nations? The freedom to "be".

Read the news item here and here

Dancing to Slumdog Millionaire - Jai Ho

2009-03-03T12:12:00.001+05:30

It *is* a phenomenon. Admit it.

(This is not my son, just a random video I found online. But it is so cute!)

After Shock

2009-03-02T14:12:00.003+05:30

Dev and Frieda have succeeded where Anil Kapoor and Madhuri failed. This video makes the hype totally worth it. Pretty good, I say!

For the rest of us, there's no forgetting the original Bollywood jhatkas that made this music video a classic.

Get a taste of Indian Oscurry

2009-02-23T09:52:00.011+05:30

I am not a big Oscar fan. The last time I woke up early to watch a telecast, I was maybe 13. Awards in general have lost their meaning for me over time (My last post mentions one reason; not counting how awards have generally eluded me since I was 13). Yet, as I watched the Oscar telecast this evening from my hotel room in Santa Clara, I had a lump-in-the-throat moment. For all our posturing that our self-esteem does not depend on validation from the firangs, boy! it felt great to hear Bachchan's immortal dialogue on the Oscar stage-- "Mere paas maa hai".

I mean, Rah! Rah! Rahman! That was Wow!

The real lump-moment, though, came when they announced the award for best documentary to "Smile Pinki (2008)". I have obviously not seen it, nor heard of it, given how marketing-dependant we are. Yet, I have never prayed harder for any movie to win. It is extremely heartening to see India colonize the Oscar stage, even small films with no frantic lobbying efforts. I believe Pinki was there at Kodak theatre this evening, although they did not show her. I hope this award gives her happiness. And an audience.

For India's first Oscar glory to be named after Pinki, too, is a fitting tribute to our artistic "history" (wink wink).

That said, I did a little jig and squealed in delight, as the camera panned from apna Lakkhan (Anil Kapoor) to the ravishing Frida Pinto and then to AR Rahman, as he framed the dedication in 3 languages-- hindi, english and tamil! It was a great feeling and not something to be savoured alone in a hotel room; wish I was hooting together with the chavanni crowd in front-stall at Gaiety-Galaxy.

Anyway, the Oscars tonight may do for Indian cinema what "Crouching Tiger" did for China. Of course, I fear this will also lead to many more Hollywoodized offerings from Bombay. For starters, the musical that followed Rahman's award was as Indian as the "chicken curry" served in desi restaurants along El Camino Real in Santa Clara. Why didn't they just call Farah Khan or Ganesh Acharya to hhelp with the choreography?!!

(On a related note, "Lagaan (2001)", in my opinion, had a better presentation, better performances and waaay better music-- everything that represented true Bollywood. Rahman and Aamir deserved to be up there in 2002!)

Here's hoping Bollywood continues to "be itself" and produce the wacky, unique movies only it can. Dances, songs, logic (or lack of) and Gulshan Grover intact. Please don't make Bollywood bland just because the sophisticated firang palette can't take it. They will get used to it, just like they got used to Chicken Curry ;-)

Jai Ho, Mangte Chungneijang Merykom

2009-02-12T21:56:00.005+05:30

I almost felt like copying the whole post. It deserves to be all over Bloggywood. But I am just going to give a link to it. I must admit, I had never heard of this female. Do read Pseudo Intellectual's brilliant reminder here, then come back here.

I am in awe of people who have the guts to do something about their status in life and actually pursue their happiness -- juggling career, kids and community on the way. They learn to take the knocks that life sends their way in their stride. What they are not prepared for, though, is to see the very colors they proudly wear turn their back on them. The colors of India.

As a nation we seem to celebrate mediocrity in Ash, crudity in Bhajji and even criminal celebrity in Raju... but we allow true heroism to be lost in the fires of domesticity. I am sure Mary will go on to greater glory in Boxing. Maybe even play for a different country.

That is the day we will proclaim her as "Indian" and scramble over each other to shower awards on her petite 46Kg frame.

When every drop counts...

2009-01-28T16:52:00.004+05:30

The economic downturn has given such a beautiful veil to incompetent managers to hide their own flaws and mistakes. Any and every mistake can be quickly blamed on the "bottom 5%" and wash your hands off it. In some cases, they can take this corporate cleansing to rather extreme levels.

Take the case of this Filipino worker, had his ass fired for.. well.. not ass-imilating well into the Australian culture. Philippines is one of my favorite countries (not counting Europe). The reason is they are closest to India in terms of their food habits, zest for life and "kindly adjust maadi" attitude.

It appears that they are closer to India than I previously thought. This news article may well apply to any of us. 'fess up, people, did you never do this in firang land yourself?

Corporate 'culture' going down the drain-- the Australian Way :-P

Kya Aap Montessori Pass Se Tez Hain?

2009-01-22T11:12:00.003+05:30

An office bearer of a slum dwellers’ body has filed a defamation case against music director A.R. Rahman and actor Anil Kapoor alleging that the award winning film “Slumdog Millionaire” calls Indians dogs and slum dwellers slum dogs.

Meanwhile, the Thackeray's are contemplating action against film director Kevin Smith for calling all mothers Dog, in his controversial 1999 movie -- Dogma!
(In this case, they may even get the Vatican's support!)

This can happen only in India! More here

Come, let's bomb them!

2009-01-22T10:35:00.004+05:30

"We were in our office when hundreds of people barged into the hotel and started ransacking the lobby. We locked ourselves inside a room," said a staff member.

Nope, this isn't a news report about 26/11. Although, to my mind, the staff of this hotel must have experienced the same fear and helplessness in those 60 seconds, that their colleagues at Taj and Oberoi endured for 60 hours. This was a news item about Shiv Sena launching its election campaign in Mumbai by attacking a 5-star hotel. For all our outrage against Pakistan, we are helpless when the bouncers of Mumbai follow in their footsteps.

With elections around the corner, both MNS and original Sena have decided to go for some top-of-mind recall campaigns. On their next pit-stop, in Pune, they decided to vandalize a movie theatre. It's crime? They were exhibiting a movie in Kannada, a language recognized by the Indian constitution but not by Supremo (as the Sena party leader is called).

If some of you, lost in the haze of blaming the 'foreign hand' at every drop, care to remember, our fight with Pakistan is over a piece of land. We refuse to concede territory that we believe is ours, they believe is theirs. We are ready to bomb them, scar them and ban them for their assault against Indian pride.

The aforementioned vandalization is also over a piece of land. Karnataka refuses to concede Belgaum, a town it believes to be hers, Maharashtra believes is theirs. Whether JeM or KRV or MNS, the ideology is the same, the actions are the same. The intellectuals, willingly or unwillingly, refuse to acknowledge the "divide and rule" ruse. Linguists and activists on both sides of the border fuel the fire with support and justifications, ignoring the fact that terrorism must be shunned whether it is commited by non-state actors or own-state actors.

The hurt, in the latter case, is deeper. Who do you bomb when it's your own brothers assaulting the Indian pride? Or isn't their anything called "Indian" left anymore?

Up next: Anti Greed Act?

2009-01-20T11:27:00.003+05:30

Read this interesting article on WSJ.

Echoes my thoughts on the mindlessness of the new buzzword: "Bailout". Like the other American export-- "lay offs" -- this policy celebrates and perpetuates incompetence while kicking the "worker" in the balls. I do not believe all that Ayn Rand wrote was gospel, but I do like the way this WSJ analysis compares her vision to today's greed-infested times. As if "1984" wasn't bad enough...

An excerpt from the article:

One memorable moment in "Atlas" occurs near the very end, when the economy has been rendered comatose by all the great economic minds in Washington. Finally, and out of desperation, the politicians come to the heroic businessman John Galt (who has resisted their assault on capitalism) and beg him to help them get the economy back on track. The discussion sounds much like what would happen today:

Galt: "You want me to be Economic Dictator?"

Mr. Thompson: "Yes!"

"And you'll obey any order I give?"

"Implicitly!"

"Then start by abolishing all income taxes."

"Oh no!" screamed Mr. Thompson, leaping to his feet. "We couldn't do that . . . How would we pay government employees?"

"Fire your government employees."

"Oh, no!"

Abolishing the income tax. Now that really would be a genuine economic stimulus. But Mr. Obama and the Democrats in Washington want to do the opposite: to raise the income tax "for purposes of fairness" as Barack Obama puts it.

The irony is that the current economic chaos was spawned by greed. The generous, free money being given to the same greedy corporates is turning "bailout" into a cottage-industry. It's come to a point where if you are not asking for bailout and ordering lay-offs, your reputation as a CEO is at stake. Once the dust settles, we will have large companies where the best talent has been lost or demoralized during the "cleansing". All that would remain are sharp-clawed senior executives with the wily to hang on, engorged on all the free food.

The top down approach to tackle this economy fails to appreciate that it is the collective hunger of individuals that drives "growth". The lop-sided actions today focus on the corporation while continuing to render the individuals jobless, homeless and helpless.

It has been proven time and again that the "Government has no business to be in business". Instead, they can do a world of good if they focused their energies on providing the infrastructure and security for "small people" to keep working without fear. In any case, the average Joe does not depend on any bailout to keep himself and his family afloat in this flood.

Simple Truths

2009-01-19T16:29:00.004+05:30

Sandeep has linked to this personal finance website for a long time. I found this post extremely useful in making sense of investments today, and hopefully using this as a reminder to look better before leaping into the investment market of the future. Click here to find out how much returns your investments are really earning. Unfortunately, he does not specify how to calculate the CAGR values. Maybe someone can enlighten me in the comments?

You can also catch some more financial planning tips here.

Web 2.0 gets active

2009-01-16T14:03:00.009+05:30

For all its expertize in writing software, Indian developers tend to have a weak sense of UI and intuitive features. Whether it is home-grown software or desi websites, the flow and look of the UI is always secondary, as long as it works. Maybe the roots lie in our chalta-hai attitude, proven by narrow lanes being laid out even in recently developed parts of the town. Or our easy acceptance of long queues instead of 'token' systems at the passport office. This is why I was pleasantly surprised by a couple of B2C Indian-owned and operated websites recently. The navigation, feature-set and after-sales service from both Picsquare and CAMS have left me rather optimistic.

Picsquare is a photo-printing start-up based in Bangalore that provides excellent quality prints and gifts (like personalized calendars and tee shirts) at half the cost of others like HP Snapfish and Kodak. In our experience, the creative designs at Picsquare have been much much better than the amateurish samples we saw at Myntra, GK Vale and other competing shops. Their revamped website makes great use of Web 2.0 to allow quick and easy customisation of gifts with your own photos. Interestingly, the output on screen was a close match with the final product-- something I frankly did not expect.

CAMS is a registrar for mutual fund investments for many companies in India. They sent me my usual statement this morning by email. Only, this time, the statement was on fire. The tiny 37KB PDF contained a wealth (no pun intended) of information. It provides transaction history, account details and charts in neat tabbed layout. The best part is, they allow many service requests to be made right there at one click. This "paperless" approach has been long missed, with most funds and banks still requiring us to visit the branch for signing forms for every little request. Except for the requests, all other interactive content is visible even when offline.

The reason I was excited enough to blog about this is how Web 2.0 allows even Indian websites, that are traditionally weak on intuitive user-interface, to "look pretty" and "act smart". While the fonts are still large, the color combinations tacky and security suspect, these initiatives are still a leap from the baby-steps that B2C websites have taken in the past. I have already waxed eloquent about Ixigo earlier, an sophisticated travel-search engine that beats MMT et al hollow. Picsquare, CAMS and others like them now bring a similar "comfort" to delivered-goods services as well.

That said, I strongly caution you against using shopping websites like IndiaPlaza, Rediff and Indiatimes. Unlike the start-ups, these brands have missed the point and use e-commerce as a sly tool to palm off duplicate and/or tacky products. In many cases, their delivery systems still remain unreliable and customer service/ after-sales service is conspicuously absent. Despite the market of a billion users, Amazon and its clones have yet to bless our shores with their awesome service and prices.

Given below are some snapshots of the CAMS "Active Statement", just to give a feel of the new service. While I loved the UI, I wonder if it appeals equally to less tech-savvy account holders?

The "ActiveStatement" Home Page

The Missing Information Tab

Common Sense has No Nationality

2009-01-09T11:31:00.004+05:30

Found this beautiful article from Dawn News, Pakistan's leading news daily, at another blog. How can we still hate them after this? :-)

It is amazing how far politicians and media can go to fuel a war. These are the two groups that depend upon war for their very survival. The third group to benefit is, of course, the armed forces but their gain is splattered with heavy losses. The former two, on the other hand, profit from war while having nothing to lose as people forget serious governance lapses, stay glued to TV and generally find something to distract them instead of pigeons at Taj.

Both these groups unarguably have the greatest influence on public opinion and public thinking. Contrary to popular perception, urban and intellectual "classes" are the first to fall for media-led bull. They make it easier for the masses to succumb. India quickly decides to forget Ashoka and embraces Ghazini (not Aamir, the other barbarian from Mongolia or Turkey).

At the other end of the spectrum, we have feeble voices of dissent in a country reviled for its war-mongering. We must all pray that in 2009 these voices grow louder and drown the sounds of madness. We must look at history and realize (before it is too late) that there are no victors in a war.

Tax Tool for Dummies

2009-01-08T11:55:00.005+05:30

Since this is the time we start thinking of taxes, linking a useful tool that I often use. It is not made by a CA but a software chap. It may not be 100% accurate but I find it very useful in arriving at a ballpark figure and seeing how various items impact the tax liability. It also helps in understanding the "real" gain (after taxes) from a salary hike, if any.

If anyone has a better tool out there, please post it in comments. I have been looking high and low for one. I am especially interested in whatever tools Raju used over at Satyam.

Until then, Nithyanand's Tax Calculator available at www.ynithya.com/taxcalc/

I S o B

2009-01-07T12:40:00.004+05:30

A few months ago, I posted on what I believed to be India's proudest moment-- the establishment of Indian School of Business (ISB) in Hyderabad. Over the last few days, I am shocked to learn that the institution responsible for churning out strong, ethical and socially aware managers might have been led by a Dean guilty of greed, corruption and mismanagement. It's again a case of Who guards the Guardians...

Satyam's chairman resigned about an hour ago. He admitted to large scale (to the tune of $1.04 Billion) fraud in Satyam accounts over the last several years. The company looks set to disappear and reappear in a new avatar, a la Arthur Andersen & Co. I pray for the well-being and security of those trusting employees at Satyam who gave their everything to be left with nothing.

What were the Auditors doing?
What was the Board doing?
What was the SEBI doing?

The fact that a Chairman has confessed that it was going on for years, makes the accountability swamp across the spectrum of regulators and guardians of policy. This will also be its shield. I am guessing the story will end with many lay-offs and exile in Mauritius for the Raju's and Rao's. Beyond that would be like expecting surgeons to amputate their own arms!

I am sure industry leaders are learning from the fiasco. They are asking their managers: "How the hell did Satyam manage to do it? What were you guys doing?". All they need to do is avoid Raju's last mistake and the secret of Satyam can take them all the way to Swiss banks. Maybe even help them become PM.

Once again, my heart bleeds for those thousands of trusting employees hoodwinked by the system. SoB.

Under the Wheels of Progress

2009-01-02T14:12:00.004+05:30

I loved these 2 articles on Fast Company, a management webzine.

In the first one, the 4-day work-week is cheered. The author makes a case for an extra day off contributing not only to family health and bonding, but also to a greener and cleaner planet. Contrast this to the typical 60 hour work-week in cities like Bombay and New York and you see one reason for all the bad decisions that led to this economic crash. Unfortunately, in board-rooms across the world, this will be nothing more than idle sermonizing. Sharing doesn't come easy, especially sharing time.

The other article talks about recognizing bad managers. These are not just unpleasant people, but leaders that can lead their teams and even companies into ruin. Ironically, most of the symptoms mentioned by the author are what society generally upholds as good professional and workaholic attitude. Like junk food, we do not realize until it is too late that just because something claims to be "breakfast", does not mean it is healthy. Inaction and conventionality often provides a cloak of invisibility for incompetent managers to outlast achievers in any organization.

This post was provoked by this entry about an insecure boss. I have had managers gloat about never taking a day off, not taking coffee breaks and working through weekends.

What do you feel about the correlation between productivity and the obsession with long hours, procedures and Blackberries?

Happy New Year

2008-12-31T17:01:00.006+05:30

Wow! 2008 is finally going to be over!!

An year like no other.
A historical year in our lifetime:

Whims of Money,
Winds of Change,
Flaming Icons,
Departing Morons,
Sporting Glories, and
despite all, the
Jingling Bells of Santa!

The year gone by has made us
Braver, Wiser and more Hope full than
Ever.

An year that tested our patience,
Our humor and our determination,
Now makes way for a bright new
Tomorrow.

Here is wishing everyone a
Beautiful, Radiant, Twinkling 2009
With loads of luck, prosperity and
Happiness!

Celebrate a Great New Year

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

2008-12-16T11:45:00.014+05:30

The Latin phrase above (saw it in an Alan Moore comic) means "Who will guard the guardians?". While this debate is timeless, over the years we have started to question less and less the powers of those that serve us. Politicians are one such breed; banks are another.

Before the recent collapse, it was blasphemous to even talk of an ICICI or a Citibank engaging in ethically and economically dubious practices. The bankers' greed is now well-documented in the rubble of Wall Street collapse. All of them have proven to be no better than an exploitative money-lender in the village.

Regulators and watchdogs (like the financial press) have failed us as much as the banks, by creating an exploitative and misleading banking environment for the uneducated, unorganized credit-seeker. Much has been written about their complex products causing global turmoil in 2008. I bring attention to their simpler products; they cause small but significant turmoil in the monthly budget of a common man.

My views on two such products that require immediate fixing:

1. Credit Cards
The onus of proving that one did not use a card lies with the user. Whether the card is stolen or someone uses the card details for online payments, the bank has no liability till the time user asks for the card to be blocked. The very fact that such a potent instrument comes with few, if any, safeguards is a slap in the face of consumer-rights.

The credit card business survives on default. The 36% interest per annum is such an enticing deal for banks that customers paying on-time are treated as liability. The system implicitly promotes insecure use of cards in collusion with merchant establishments. Merchants pretend to be doddering fools, as long as they are paid by the bank and end-user is held liable for payments on a stolen/lost card. What else can explain their immunity from prosecution as accessory to theft, even if they completely ignore security protocol while honoring explicitly "fake" cards (viz, the signature is obviously mismatch, the photo is different, sometimes the name does not match the gender of user, etc).

If the regulators place onus of proof on merchants and banks, it will automatically spur banks to spend on more robust, logical and convenient security mechanisms. Merchants will also become more careful before casually honoring cards they suspect may be stolen. It may even bring down instances of credit-card theft itself!

At the bank end, they can deploy further level of security, like in other instruments:

Make photo mandatory on credit-cards, like in all other important documents
For online payments, replace the 3 digit CVV joke with a PIN, not printed on card
Additionally, explore use of cards with at least one more proof of identity, and so on

Read more about this on Baba Jain's intelligent blog

2. Home Loans
It is no surprise that the recent collapse was triggered by faulty home loans. The fine print in home loans have become the latest "free money" mantra for banks.

Typical home loans are for 20 years or so. All the bank needs to do is offer a low enough rate, so that monthly EMI looks affordable to an undecided new user. Once the loan is given, the debtor has few options. On some pretext or another, rates will rise after 12-18 months. Loss on interest for 12-18 months is petty cash compared to the inflated sum he will be repaying for next 20 years!

Many recent examples expose the regulators snoring while the bankers brazenly feast.

Take the drop in home loan rates. Every time a drop is announced, it applies to new users only. On the other hand, an increase in rates applies immediately to existing users. This is equivalent to "offers" made by FMCG companies to increase sales in slow season. The difference being the commitment is for life in case of a home loan.

Similarly, banks promote the misnomer "fixed" and "floating" interest rates. Despite the fact that fixed rates are subject to upward revision as much as floating rates, this incorrect term is deliberately applied to entice undecided new users. In absence of highly-educated customers, such fine print allows bankers to laugh all the way to and from their banks.

The so-called interest free loans in US by Countrywide were just a more serious manifestation of the same scam. Looking at the poor savings profile of potential customers, Countrywide and others offered loans at next to nothing EMI during initial years. After a few years, once the user is hooked, the monthly repayment obligation zoomed to stratospheric levels (to pay for the "free" period). The stunned customers had no choice but to forgo the loans, lose their houses and destroy their credit rankings. At a macroeconomic level, it caused the housing collapse and opened a rotting Pandora's box.

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The recent downturn resulted in a unique paradox where Governments of all nations are racing to offer billions and trillions of dollars to Banks, hoping this will save us from a bigger mess. The paradox, of course, is that it is these Banks that are responsible for the very mess we find ourselves in. This parallels the paradox in the title of this post, especially after reading about the aptly named Madoff. As ex-chief of NASDAQ and an adviser to SEC, Bernie Madoff commanded the trust and influence to run a swindle over many years. It was not until global institutions and trusting investors lost over $50 Billion and counting, that he even showed up on the radar.

It is no surprise when regulators, cops and politicians are "suspected" of using the system for personal gains in India; in fact, many of them are elected or nominated for this very quality (latest example being Mr.Raja's reliance on circular logic). However, when it happens in mighty USA, it is a wake-up call for those who believe that everything that has worked in America must unquestioningly be implemented here.

This recession and financial crisis is an opportunity for India to develop an indigenous regulatory mechanism. India's prescription for beating the downturn must include calling upon our own experience with village moneylenders to anticipate the greed and cunning of Big Money. Under the fading influence of large banks and multinational interests, India must build regulatory firewalls and people-friendly financial instruments to spur growth and protect the common man's interest (without vote-bank gimmicks like loan waiver). New mechanisms must be developed to regulate new instruments like credit cards, online banking and microfinance before they blow up in our face.

India's experience with Microfinance is a start, a great beginning. A billion other such innovations lie latent within the billion dreams. It is not long before the Indian consumer will realize his own strength. On guard!

Crazy little thing called "Love"

2008-12-11T16:27:00.008+05:30

My take on Dil Kabaddi (2008); check out the Studio 18 logo before the movie. Delicious!

Dil Kabaddi is another "event" that fills the heart with joy. Just to see story-tellers (and not just star kids, diamond merchants, estate agents) get a chance to create real cinema in Bollywood is so heartening. We loved this movie and so did everyone in the half-empty PVR auditorium, median age 35, if the constant eruptions of gleeful laughter are any indication.

Maybe he has Woody Allen to thank for it, but this did not end up as the now-too-familiar montage of slick shots against Mumbai's backdrop. I was afraid it would be the typical stilted-Hindi, handy-cam movie (with a great premise but dud execution like Mithya or Woodstock Villa) by a new-age "main bhi Hollywood" director. Dil Kabaddi does not falter in the second half simply because the director had a STORY to tell. All the humor and all the "slice of life" shots culminated in a satisfying narrative. This is where the movie truly scores.

The other reason for its success, of course, is the excellent performances. Cast against type, watching Rahul Bose as a bumbling professor or the suave Rahul Khanna as a mushy pup was a delight. Each character was well-etched, including the secondary characters of ex-boyfriend, office hunk (Rahul Khanna's cameo) and Chirag the lech neighbor. The consistency in their body language and motivations reveal a strong screenplay, with well-written characters. Something so rare even in mainstream Bollywood cinema. That said, the "Kaaya" character could have been better etched.

The cream of the crop is, of course, Samit (Irrfan Khan) as the nouveau yuppie. The subtlety of his flawed yet acceptable English grammar and "over-the-top" dress sense was an excellent contrast to his earthy logic and basic decency. His pairing with an intellectual, stylish, smart Mita (Soha Ali, looking lovely) is not that surprising today-- a lot of very happy couples around have the woman more successful, educated and well-traveled than the man.

Perhaps the movie targets a very specific audience, the mid-30s Indian. Those that grew up on Karan Johar's bubble-gum romance in the 90s and have been "happily" married for 4-7 years now, like the characters in the movie. It documents their quest for love versus their 'fantasy' of love. It is possible that this crowd will laugh the loudest, while those older and younger may find less to identify with in this story. They may yet discover it on DVD a few years later and laugh hearty. At its core, it is nothing more than a story about looking for true love. Just that true love has different meanings for different people.

While some have panned the movie for its shameless copy of Husbands and Wives by Woody Allen, others have cringed at the barrage of sexual jokes and innuendo. In my opinion, it works where Mixed Doubles (the previous multiplex outing about infidelity) failed simply because it does not hold back or have any intellectual pretense. The movie keeps you laughing almost the entire time and yet makes an honest observation about modern Indian marriages. As for the sex-jokes-- they were much more tasteful than what is dished out in family-comedy "U" rated movies every week.

It has been 16 years since Woody Allen's 1992 original. The fact that we finally identify with the type of marriages shown here is a telling comment on Indian society playing catch-up with the West. For better or for worse...

Change is Sweet

2008-12-06T14:09:00.006+05:30

As any Bangalorean who has traveled by auto-rickshaw will tell you, we have been bothered about CHANGE long before Obama came on the scene. Like Obama said, we need to be (carrying) the change we seek. The Bangalore auto drivers have a rounding-off algorithm where Rs.62 = Rs.70 and Rs.68 = Rs.70 as well. During peak hours and after 8PM and before 7AM, this gets rounded off to the nearest 100. The only way to get change is to KNOW exactly how much a route costs and CARRY lots of Rs.2, Rs.5 and Rs.10 currency.

Now the change is creeping into other Bangalore businesses. Last evening, I rushed to the Cafe Coffee Day in the arrival hall of BIAL (the dud new aiport) for a bottle of water to support me through the two hour ride into the city (it took me less than 90 minutes to fly in). They have a "specially packed" bottle of 500ml for Rs.15. I gave the guy two ten buck notes and expected Rs.5 change.

He handed me the receipt and a candy. No change. Just the CANDY, ostensibly worth Rs.5. To say I was shocked is an understatement.

Indians learn to expect the neighborhood grocer to hand us a candy in lieu of 50 paise change. The amount here was also small, compared to the thousands I had just spent flying and eating. But it just didn’t FEEL right. Unless, CCD reciprocates by accepting raddi newspaper and old bottles adding up to Rs.15 as payment.

We talk of India Rising and “Enough is enough”. To see CCD, India’s earliest successes in F&B franchising, behave worse than a corner chaiwala evoked the same emotions. The airport is used by low-income fliers as well, who need facilities and F&B even if they cannot pay for them in dollar equivalent prices. We have often noticed the “we will over-charge you because we can” attitude permeate throughout the airport. For example, what justifies BIAL shops selling only "premium" water at Rs.30 for a litre, when the standard Kinley bottles sell for Rs.12 everywhere else? Just because there's all the chrome and glass and dollars?

It is more important that people who “have” protest on principle, because the “have nots” will not be heard. Singapore’s lovely Changi airport is much cheaper than BIAL, even after conversion. And their facilities are within reach of even the common laborer, who is coming back to meet his family in a Tamil Nadu village. It’s just an airport, after all. Why pretend to be a Las Vegas casino?

Update 08/12/08: CCD Area manager Mr.Sainath found this blog and called to reassure me that lots of change will be available at the counter next time I pass through the airport. I am glad to see the customer-service aura of CCD shine through with his prompt action. Good luck, Sai, in giving us back the CCD we love!

Circle of Life OR Vicious Circle of Revenge

2008-11-28T13:13:00.011+05:30

Interesting to see that almost everyone on my blogroll has been moved to post on this incident. No other incident in the past has brought such a spontaneous reaction from almost everyone. Like one report said, this is India's 9/11. I agree that the tragedy is similar in its scale and loss of innocence. What bothers me is we should not bungle up the aftermath like the macho Americans did.

I am an extremely cynical and angry person myself. Yet, I notice that the anger seething through the pages of these blogs and comments far exceeds what I feel. I am sure the emotions in the offline world are even more fiery. It worries me a lot that our instinct is to look at this from a religious fundamentalist angle. Despite all our education and civility, we are unable to decouple these attackers from their rhetoric. Just by doing that we are playing into the hands of people who WANT us to treat this as a religious divide.

This is no more than a law and order breakdown. Period. I wish we would tackle it as such.

The facts are that a group of 26 odd men decided to bully unarmed civilians with automatic weapons, making no demands and issuing no threats. They merely killed who they could, held a small number of hostages and did not go after those who fled. As a modus operandi, it is no different than the everyday psychopath school shooting in the US. Only difference is, there are 26 psychopaths involved instead of just one. We don't go attacking Korea just because one of the psycho students was a Korean, do we?

The way to tackle psychopath killers is to surround them, disarm them and arrest or shoot them. The Bombay police is doing exactly that. I salute them for their efficient and detached handling of this crisis. For them, this isn't about hindu or muslim cops, Indian or foreign victims, jehadi or looney shooters. For them, it is merely a mission to save everyone and "sanitize" the captured areas, as the NSG chief keeps saying.

Unfortunately, the rest of the country is more interested in a different kind of "sanitizing". We are ready to blame an entire community for the savage acts of 25 people from that community. Those who are not ready will be accused of "being soft on terror". In a worse case, it could promote gun culture in India. There will be talks of another partition, a more complete one this time. There could be another such siege, operated by the 'victim' community this time-- and it may well be supported silently by most of us.

The US has been on a revenge hunt for the past 8 years. They have shown the vaporous terrorists how strong they are. The result?

Anarchy in Iraq. More deaths than we even care to count. More deaths than any terror outfit could inflict.
Breakdown in Afghanistan.
More attacks in UK, India and other "allies".
Increased fear while traveling in planes, while calling friends in Karachi, while falling in love with Sakina Bano

Their hard response to terror had the exact opposite impact. The world today is worse off than when we started "sanitizing". This is not a critique of Bush or America or their politics. It is merely an observation of human fragility and our self-destructive thirst for revenge. I know it is hard to forgive. I probably would not if one of mine was trapped at the hotels.

Yet I believe we can only fight terror if we rise above religion and politics. We must not let rhetoric dictate our sensibilities and our humanity. We must not let the masterminds sit back and relish the fracas. We must allow our children to blossom in a magic circle of LIFE.

How we deal with the aftermath would really define the tragedy of 26/11.

Die Hard with a Sizzler

2008-11-27T11:57:00.009+05:30

Another night, another nightmare.

Mumbai seems to be a favorite hunting ground for all sorts of 2-bit criminals. Starting from the Madh-Island smugglers back in the 70s, through the D-company in the 90s and now the Hindu-Islamic Fanatics. We were jolted by an sms at 4AM this morning asking us if our families were well after the terror attacks in Bombay. I sleepily thought the sender must be hallucinating; there was no news till 9PM and who do terrorists attack at midnight anyway? The answer, of course, was once again straight out of JK Rowling's imagination.

Just like the Death Eaters who attack anyone anywhere, this time we were subjected to random shootings at crowded public places. Foreign and Indian guests having dinner at two of India's best hotels were interrupted with grenade and machine-gun fire. Images show blood and abandoned luggage at railway stations, gunmen firing inside hospitals and hostage situations in India's top hotels that would make McClane cringe. TV grabs show kids no more than 16-19 year old, wielding automatic weapons and a glazed expression. Clueless about ideology their only mission is to kill. Like any good supari killer in Bombay, they did not fail. This attack seems to have less to do with religion and more to do with law-and-order. The body count is 100 and counting, while the siege in hotels continues as I write this...

I completely admire the Bombay police and believe that only they have the strategy and gumption to control a situation as grave as this. I salute the brave Hemant Karkare and Vijay Salaskar, who were the Dark Knights of Bombay's streets. For them to be killed at point-blank range by cowardly assassins is truly tragic. I pray the commandos fighting to save the 40-50 guests still trapped in the Taj and Oberoi hotels succeed without grave casualties.

At the same time, it makes me wonder about our so-called security. A story that got overshadowed by the Bombay firing was the siege at Bangkok airport. Although this was non-violent (so far), protesters managed to go all the way up to control tower at Suvarnabhumi airport and bring the operations to a complete halt.

I have been subjected to increasingly moronic security measures like removing my belt for scanning, getting my keys beeped separately and having the coin section of my wallet examined. Whether airports, hotels or malls, we bear long and hot queues while squeezing through uncomfortably narrow metal detectors and open all bags for inspection. In most cases, the people being subjected to these checks have no evil intentions in mind. The times that someone really wants to screw the system, they seem to have no trouble barging in. These measures then seem as effective as holding up a blade of grass to thwart a rape attempt. Begs the question, are these security measures no more than eyewash? A comforting illusion, like the 75 year old watchman guarding my building gate?

The detectors at Taj and Oberoi could not stop armed gunmen from entering. The security at Bangkok airport couldn't prevent the airport itself from being attacked. How did they plan to ever secure the skies? I am not an advocate of guns for the masses (like in US) or giving up on security measures. However, considering the amount of money and time we spend "cooperating" with security agencies, don't you agree the recent attacks call their bluff? Their mantra of "more inconvenience = more security" proves to be no good when it comes to REAL defense. Why then should we waste public money on fancy impotent gizmos and offer ourselves for scrutiny?

In the aftermath of this attack, they will "step up" security in Bangalore and Delhi. In other words, they will frisk you more on the way to a movie. Will that help if I am planning to riddle you with my AK-47? Will I really be standing in a queue waiting to get beeped?

It is time the security industry wakes up to become more accountable, to come up with genuine strategies instead of paranoia to make their buck. It is also, perhaps, time that we began to think of terror and suspicion in a larger context. Unlike what Bush says, terror is not war and you cannot fight it the same way. The only way to manage terror is by addressing the real, social issues that breed malcontent youth. The way to end terror is by not launching another attack in retaliation, by not using torture on captured youth (whether hindu or muslim) and by allowing justice rather than mob-rule to prevail.

It is time, indeed, that we started to trust and love our neighbor-- even at the risk of betrayal-- rather than create a world of suspicion and paranoia for our children.

Meanwhile, I hope and pray the affected people at Bombay and Bangkok emerge safe and sound from this madness, quickly.

Some one to walk over me

2008-11-04T08:01:00.002+05:30

The elections have become a game of manipulating the media in the US. The better candidate better manipulates. The even better candidate accuses the other of manipulation, in a graceful manipulative swipe. The public buys it all. In this election, McCain and his moll may actually benefit from a sympathy vote after all the media-bashing. Loved this comment someone left on the NYT article.

Not just kids, all of us had a nap

2008-10-03T01:41:00.005+05:30

Movie review for the film "Kidnap"

First a couple of words about the new Inox Jayanagar where we saw this film. Bad cramped parking, very small elevators and insipid popcorn. Avoid.

Now for the most awaited movie of the season. After Jaane Tu.. and Bachna... the expectations from an Imran-Minnisha film were sky high. Sanju baba, of course, is all-time dependable. Gadhvi has done some good work in the past-- stylish if not sensible. So we decided to fork over the weekend premium (250 bucks a ticket, including popcorn!) without waiting for reviews.

Bad idea. Gadhvi decided to follow, again, the all-style no-soul route.

**** May contain spoilers ****

The film starts with the dialogue "Maine tumhe kidnap kiya hai" which made the audience erupt in laughter. Not an auspicious beginning for an alleged edge-of-seat-thriller. We decided to give Imran time to find his bearings. Unfortunately, the dialogues kept getting more mundane from then on. It competes with Sarkar 2 for the year’s dullest dialogues. (We so hope Sanjoy watches this movie, he can do another killer review!!)

Vidya Malavade, the hot babe from Chak De, plays Minissha Lamba’s mom in this one!! The casting director must be on drugs. Sadly, this may end Vidya’s career, though Lamba looks way older than her. Lamba, on the other hand, is on a mission to establish a sexy image. She appears extremely uncomfortable in near-nothings-- not just in songs but even when she is supposedly in captivity. The costume designer was definitely high. She fails to realise that sexuality is not just in boob-shows but comes as a package-- the facial expression, the body language and the come-hither eyes. There was none. She looks as arousing as the mannequin being changed in a shop window. She tries too hard and wastes the goodwill created by the Bachna... role. Plus the fact that even though her role is pivotal, she hardly has anything to do except mouth dialogues fit for a 7 year old and remain undressed.

The acting by Imran Khan is first rate again and I do hope to see him bag the Oscars one day, in footsteps of his uncle. He is a sincere and fiery actor lost in an oddball script. Sadly, the screenplay is so awkward that his intense dialogues appear comical. Whoever in the audience was not sleeping was busy hooting in amusement...

He did have a fun chase scene. Outrageous but well executed stunts. The only highlight of the movie, IMHO. Reminded one of Jackie Chan, wish they kept that tone for the entire film. Sigh!

Now for my main problems with "Kidnap". Firstly, the revenge motive is thrust down your throat. The plot is as dark as "Zinda", yet the movie maintains a candy-floss feel throughout. You can easily foresee that every character is inherently good and every one had their "majboori". Ergo, everyone forgives everyone and lives happily ever after. For the hate that Imran’s character carries for Sanjay Dutt’s character, the latter should have been shown more as the "Dilip Tahil" variety. A typical rich, arrogant and ruthless person. The audience must also feel some of the hate. Yet, we always see him in a sympathetic light, we root for him. That makes the revenge hard to digest. Similarly, Imran’s character should have been a twisted freak but he appears sad, almost as if he’d stop the revenge if someone said Sorry to him just once. He’s a frustratingly good boy, performing evil actions. While that syncs with his character, it jars with the plot.

Secondly, it has some gruesome songs. Picturised badly, appear illogically and sound terrible. They completely halt the narrative and everyone looks so uncomfortable even doing them. Lyrics like "Mausam kya Awesome hai". Yikes! Sound engineering is quite good, on the other hand. The scene where Imran brings back Minissha after her escape attempt has fabulous background sounds.

Lastly, the climax, like most Bollywood films of late whimpers down after a cool build-up. Somehow our directors start to copy their latest DVD purchase, perhaps Richard Shepard’s 1995 flop Mercy in this case, but don’t have the patience to watch till the end. Or in some cases, like in Zinda, they are unable to stay faithful to the climax for cultural reasons.

Kidnap belongs to the "Anjaam" genre. It is so bad, it finds a cult following. It is a great movie to watch with a large group of friend, hooting and whistling. Just make sure you don’t pay attention to the screen, else you will end up with a power-nap.

Economedy of Errors: Cartoonists View

2008-09-30T16:21:00.004+05:30

Source: About.Com

"Mr.Bush, we finally found the WMDs. In New York City!!"

2008-09-30T11:19:00.012+05:30

An article from 2003, to which we should probably have paid attention, here

Thanks to Shashank for sharing this with me. I decided to put it on my blog since it is so relevant even half a decade later, maybe more so. What amazes me is that something so obviously catastrophic was beyond the comprehension of so many highly educated and highly paid "experts" for 5 years. Begs the question, what is it that they actually do besides smoking pot at B-schools?

An excerpt for those too lazy to click through to the BBC site :-)

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Buffett warns on investment 'time bomb'
Tuesday, 4 March, 2003

The derivatives market has exploded in recent years, with investment banks selling billions of dollars worth of these investments to clients as a way to off-load or manage market risk. But Mr Buffett argues that such highly complex financial instruments are time bombs and "financial weapons of mass destruction" that could harm not only their buyers and sellers, but the whole economic system.

Derivatives are financial instruments that allow investors to speculate on the future price of, for example, commodities or shares - without buying the underlying investment. Some derivatives contracts, Mr Buffett says, appear to have been devised by "madmen". He warns that derivatives can push companies onto a "spiral that can lead to a corporate meltdown", like the demise of the notorious hedge fund Long-Term Capital Management in 1998.

Derivatives also pose a dangerous incentive for false accounting, Mr Buffett says. The profits and losses from derivates deals are booked straight away, even though no actual money changes hand. In many cases the real costs hit companies only many years later.

This can result in nasty accounting errors. Some of them spring from "honest" optimism. But others are the result of "huge-scale fraud", and Mr Buffett points to the US energy market, which relied for most of its deals on derivatives trading and resulted in the collapse of Enron.

read more
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I am sure Buffet was not alone to anticipate the "many years later" cost impact, way back in 2003. If they continued to lure and loot the trusting public despite such warnings, they must be judged similar to war criminals now. While many of us may lose money, jobs, homes and even Internet access (ouch!), the mad-men (in Buffet's words) responsible for the man-made destruction continue to sip their Pina Coladas hiding in their yachts near Cayman Islands...

On a related note, please avoid spreading and acting on rumours regarding insolvency at ICICI Bank. I am not a fan of the bank and, in fact, stay far away from dealing with it. But I do know that such rumours are malicious and could trigger an unnecessary spiral of doom for a teetering economy. Stay sane and prudent. Work hard and spend more.

We'll be out of this mess, soon.

(On)Line Maaro

2008-09-26T12:18:00.007+05:30

One of the better things that have happened to our lives recently is the online ticket booking systems. I remember the days when booking a ticket meant waking up at 5 to stand in a line at the railway station, only to return empty-handed at 11 because the quota was filled. Of course, you could still buy as many "black" tickets as you wanted at the pan shop near the counters. From those dark days to the efficiency of anywhere, anytime booking, including specifying seat preference. We have come a long way indeed, at least in this department. The great thing is it applies not just to air and rail bookings but even buses now.

I recently booked with KSRTC and was surprised at how well the website was designed and functioning. The icing on the cake was a airline style seat map! This was such a contrast to the last time we booked, going to a KSRTC travel agent who spent 30 minutes on a dial-up connection just waiting for the page to render. And another 30 while he made mistakes and repeated the search.

Even the bus itself was quite comfortable, even if it did stop at vague food joints and showed the most boring films. Once you have the ticket print out, you just head to Majestic where the platforms are well-numbered and a well-mannered conductor assists you in boarding. The same applies to Airport shuttle, where one can book tickets on RedBus or ViaWorld (although for now the buses are so empty, don't bother with reservation!) and rest assured in the hands of timely service and well-mannered, good-humored, hindi-english-kannada speaking conductors.

The newly designed IRCTC offers a load of features for rail booking. It has minimized problem of searching for oddly named stations, though no software can help you detect that Chhatrapati Shahuji Maharaj Junction is what you want, when looking for Kolhapur. I just wish they had a simpler interface for searching different classes and dates on the same page, instead of trying different combination as new search each time. What impressed me most was how effortlessly and quickly (2-3 days) they refunded the money for canceled tickets and failed transactions. They even allow you to ensure, say, a lower berth or not book a ticket at all. Adding a seat map would be the next big idea.

For airlines, I have already professed my love for IXIGO by adding their widget below my blog. This clutter-free site shows the final price, all inclusive, whereas many other travel sites confuse us by comparing basic fare only. Then they have a fast, easy interface to refine or modify the search. The best part is, clicking on the fare takes you to the airline website for payment. Ixigo is not an agent and does not collect any fee. You deal direct with the Airline for everything, which makes it hassle-free and cheaper in case of cancelations. I only wish they had a similar service for international flights soon, since comparing best itinerary (stating both total travel time AND total cost clearly) is still quite difficult. If anyone knows of an international flight price-finder from India, do comment and let me know.

On a different note, we recently used the Pune Corporation website for paying property tax. The transaction deducted money from my card but showed up as failed on the website. Sending a mail to the help-desk elicited a prompt response. Within 2 days, they confirmed that tax due was clear. Again, I was happy with not just the facility but even the prompt service.

These small steps go a long way in improving quality of life of the average Indian. More such initiatives will help so much in reducing faltu stress and eliminating corrupt middle-men.

KISSmet Kommention

2008-09-25T12:06:00.008+05:30

Maybe it's envy. After all, the highest number of comments on any post of mine is 7.

But I can never understand exactly how important people think their blogs are, when they enable three layer security mechanisms to control comments. Why would all the spammers in the world divert their resources from lucrative phishing schemes, to unleash commenting bots on you? The letter verification is to elude bots, not a free eye-sight test. I really don't see why Blogger even bothers to retain this feature. In fact, the more I see Wordpress blogs, the more disillusioned I am with the Blogger design. You just comment-- no authentication, no gyaan. And what pretty comment boxes, what useful comment alerts.
Google is going lazy the Microsoft way, of late. Don't you think?

Of course, some of the best writers out there still use Blogger. So I brave the security cordon and continue squeezing in my puny comments on my favorite blogs. But please, people, just keep it simple!!

Dunce of the Millennium

2008-09-24T11:38:00.007+05:30

A friend's blog states in the header: Dunce of the Millennium, awarded to the fool who destroys the planet he lives on.

That's a cool statement. Saving the world. Forests, weather and energy for our children. Keeping Wall-E at bay. We know it, yet we don't do anything about it. After all, we are but one person. What can we do? How can it matter what we do? What's the government doing?

One of my all time favorite movies is "Brazil". It's Terry Gilliam's vision of an Orwellian world, where free speech is punished and bug-ridden machines rule (he knew about Microsoft Vista?). The unique factor of the movie is how this society is enforced not by an all-powerful dictator or a ruthless "big brother". It is every day people like you and me, doing just their daily jobs, their "duty". In itself, each man's work is harmless; each man believes in freedom and love. But together, as cogs in the "system", they work to destroy the very ideals they hold dear. They unknowingly (really?) create a totalitarian state themselves, instead of a power-hungry "villain" commonly seen in this genre.

This post is not about a totalitarian state, although recent events with churches and taxi-drivers would not place that too far in the future either. This is about my favorite topic: Bangalore infrastructure.

The topic has been done to death by everyone already. IT honchos, industrialists, expatriates, journalists, students and even politicians have commented and accepted that the infrastructure is crumbling and something needs to be done soon. One day, they even decided to raze some randomly selected illegal buildings (randomly sparing all civil-servant bungalows) in Koramangala, that left some innocent people homeless (the officials who authorised the illegal construction sold and vanished years ago). The locality remains as congested. Then they came up with magic boxes to create signal-free routes and ease the traffic flow. With no drainage and narrow service roads, most magic boxes flood within 1 hour of rain. The signal-free routes, meanwhile, have no pedestrian bridges. Unnecessary lives are lost each time people attempt crossing in front of cars doing 100kmph. You might think these were common-sense factors that any city plan would provide for. But this post is not about all that either.

No, this post is about something much more "you and me". Something so visible and yet so invisible.

My landlord is making a commercial complex near Lalbagh. That's a crowded stretch of road, yet one of the "freshest" areas in Bangalore thanks to the botanical garden and dense trees of Basavangudi nearby. This 4 storey complex will house a supermarket, restaurant and offices. In other words, it will host an estimated 45-60 people at a time, daily. For all the additional business that it will generate, there's basement parking provided for about 12 cars. When I asked him how will that work, he reassured me: "Oh there's lots of lanes around the place, customers can park easily!".

Well, that is true. After all, he is not in the business of making MLCP (multi level car parking). How can he justify cost of an extra basement to park more cars? Anyway, parking another 6 cars will not solve Banaglore's traffic woes. The government must do something about that!

After this incident, I began to notice other new construction. There's a new Big Bazaar opposite Ragigudda temple in Jayanagar. This is a busy intersection, often gridlocked. On Wednesdays, people throng BB for the weekly discount. About 15-20 cars can be parked inside, twice that number line the narrow roads leading in and around the complex on busy days. Another hypermall by Mantri is coming up soon, banking on the same lanes for parking.

The fancy Innovative Film City on the outskirts of the city has over 15 attractions and costs Rs.700 for a full-day tour. They plan to open a 21 screen multiplex, a shopping arcade and a hotel. The cars and tour buses must park outside the main entrance, going all the way up the sylvan hillside. While this works fine today, I shudder to imagine what happens when another theme park opens next door. The optimist in me believes the car park may be under construction. The cynic looks at their earlier disaster, the multiplex at Marathahalli, and is afraid the parking may again be sufficient for a tenth of the capacity. If it exists, at all.

The same story is repeated in numerous new malls (viz Garuda Mall, where parking is a joke!) and apartments coming up around the city. I can understand planners did not anticipate 4-wheeler growth 10 years ago and older buildings must struggle with insufficient parking space. What gets my goat is when the administration approves new projects with obviously insufficient parking. More so when these new ventures are otherwise aping the American model of mega stores like the Walmart that have parking lots larger than the store size itself! Two years later, the BBMP is conveniently going to blame builders for not providing enough parking, and absolve themselves of any blame for increased floods, jams and fires in the newly "developed" areas.

I am sure fire safety laws are being flouted in a similar vein, with cramped escape routes and
no access for fire engines. They will jail another Ansal Builder for 2 years, while another 80 innocents perish in a fire. Would you believe these malls and multiplexes came up after we allegedly became conscious of the need to "do something about it".

The point of all this ranting is how we "save money" in our little projects, comfortable in the thought that one more car parked on the road won't hurt anyone. And, smart IT executives and investment bankers like you and I, we continue to agitate for better infrastructure and world-class facilities from the government.

I wish we'd just save the neighborhood before we save the planet.

A Comedy of IPRs

2008-08-27T11:49:00.009+05:30

The so-called entertainment news today is that Warner Bros have sued some B-grade Indian producer over the title of a film called "Hari Puttar", because they are worried it will impact the business of their "Harry Potter" franchise. The lawsuit is based on the premise that Indian fans of Harry Potter and (sigh! where was she when I was in school?) Hermione would readily abandon the magical firangi movies in favor of a desi version, if one was available. So now there is a hoo-haa about whether the Indian producer is within rights to use a perfectly legit Hindi word "Puttar" that has no similarity in meaning to the English word "Potter". Bombay High court, already laboring under a 200 year backlog of genuine cases, will have to decide whether the lawsuit is a publicity gimmick or whether Warner's IPR has been "snitch"ed.

The plot, as I understood it, is that a 10 year old kid wishes for his family to disappear. His wish is promptly granted and he is left "home alone" to battle two bungling goons who are trying to get their secret microchip back from a toy in the kid's possession. How he foils their plans is the rest of the film. It stars my favorite actors as the goons, so I'm praying it's not all bad.

Most news articles don't even mention the possibility of this film being a rip off of anything but the Harry Potter stories. Either Mr.Purriiie is very very smart or most Indian journalists were born after 1990. Wonder if sundry blog posts will result in Mr. John Hughes exchanging places with brother Warner to sue the lucky Mr.Purrieee?

Oh hell, even the BBC News got it wrong. Pardon me for sneering only at lazy Indian newsies.

After all, the ever-alert media has, thankfully, given wider column-space to this historic lawsuit instead of boring us with the tale of a family left alone without even a home, under the benevolent shade of the Lotus.

Throwing the Baby with the Bathwater

2008-08-04T15:25:00.011+05:30

The Indian School of Business has been ranked 20th in a list of top 100 B-schools around the world. While this is a proud celebration moment for alumni of the school located at Hyderabad, it merely reinforces the conviction of its founders who, ten years ago, set out to create an Indian B-school to rival the likes of Wharton and LSE. This news brought back memories of my student days in 1998, when it was announced that ISB would be established in Bombay. After weeks of front-page tamasha, the school decided to skip India's commercial capital in favor of relatively unknown Hyderabad. As a proud Bombayite, (despite what Raj chooses to believe) this bhaiyya was quite upset that some upstart school rebuffed his favorite city.

A decade later, having abandoned the mayanagri myself, I realise that this incident, perhaps, marked the turning point of a deeper malaise affecting India's crown jewel. The Indian growth story has bypassed Bombay, leaving it a mere shadow of its glory days--- much like those dilapidated beautiful bungalows that dot Bandra, silently recounting an era of opulence and prestige, now lost among the skyscrapers of Powai.

Found this article from the Indian Express, dated September 10 1998.

You may be forgiven for mistaking it as production notes from Sarkar Raj. I was more shocked at how latter half of the article could be from a 2008 newspaper, despite the change in government! Maharashtra's Nero continues to dog the hardworking "manoos" with distracting, unproductive dogma, while the means of production continue to dodge the state. Ten years later, more and more industries, entrepreneurs, schools and talent are being driven out of Bombay. New enterprises prefer to avoid a sleepy CM and the rebel without a cause, choosing to open shop in Gurgaon and Trivandrum instead.

The electorate may have judged Chandrababu Naidu harshly, but history is sure to be kinder to that man of vision. On the other hand, the curse of rhetoric replacing honest labour did not die with the sequel to Sarkar. Ironically, fiddling by modern day Neros may be responsible for India's most prosperous state turning into one they dread the most-- Bihar.

Now for the article itself, that provoked this post:

--------------

Indian Express, dated Sep 10, 1998

Andhra Pradesh Chief Minister Chandrababu Naidu is getting all the prizes and it is not going down well in Maharashtra. Few things have brought home so acutely the fierce competition between states than the bidding for the Indian School of Business, India's answer to Wharton. It's not investment rupees or jobs created that counts here but the prestige of playing host to what is intended to be a world class institution.

Mumbai has been passed over and the school, promoted by a glittering array of big corporates, has gone to Hyderabad. Apparently incentives were not the paramount determinants of the choice of location. When Anil Ambani speaks of the ``vision and organisation'' of the Andhra Pradesh government and Anand Mahindra of the ``triumph of political wisdom over political expediency'', they are emphasising other important factors which influence business decisions. Politicians could pay closer attention to what young business leaders are saying.

For Maharashtra Chief Minister Manohar Joshi the unkindest cut of all came from Bal Thackeray who said Chandrababu Naidu ``moves like a typhoon''. Unkind because Thackeray's attempt to commandeer places in the school for Maharashtri-ans is what probably queered the pitch for Mumbai, the promoters' first choice when they put their ideas to Joshi and Thackeray on May 5. In that case the message in the rejection of Mumbai is that India's Wharton will take the best and the brightest and not politicians' candidates. It is a good advertisement for the school. The loss of the business school is symptomatic of a larger problem in Maharashtra today.

Shiv Sena and BJP politicians lacked experience to start with and have not grown into their jobs in government. They remain in many ways the parish pump politicians they always were. Apart from the Chief Minister himself there is little evidence of administrative abilities and even Joshi is hamstrung by his party boss. When the coalition came to power, Maharashtra was already being challenged by other states for new investment and projects and beginning to lose its position as destination number one.

The Enron affair exposed the amateurishness of the SS-BJP coalition and ought to have taught the new government some valuable lessons. Unfortunately, there has been little sign that the government is wiser for that experience. Politics and self-aggrandisement continue to come before pragmatism and common sense. Consequently, although Maharashtra's physical and human resources still make it a major business destination, many of the statistics show investment is not growing as rapidly as it is in other go-getting states. Gujarat, Tamil Nadu and Andhra Pradesh are pushing ahead faster on a wide front, Punjab, Haryana, Madhya Pradesh and perhaps even Uttar Pradesh in some areas. To Thackeray and Joshi these trends are mere grist for the political mill as they engage in a new quarrel about whether Maharashtra is first or fourth in the league. The fact that the government is thrashing about for ways of arresting the downslide in the state's finances is proof of Maharashtra's worsening condition.

A Trip down the Bat Cave

2008-07-31T13:07:00.009+05:30

As we have seen recently, when the director has something to say, rather than just milk a franchise, the sequels (Terminator2, Spiderman2, Clerks2, Munnabhai2, et al) turn out to be spectacular. This is Nolan's drama about choice, valour and loss. That it wears a superhero costume is incidental.

I so do wanna talk about Batman right now. But I am still too stunned to review The Dark Knight (2008)

For nostalgia sake, decided to revive another review, written when Batman Begins overwhelmed me on June 18 2005. You will find that most of the emotions still apply, even though The Dark Knight has raised the bar many times over:

*** Rewind to 2005 ***

Having not grown up with the Superman movies, being too young to appreciate Tim Burton’s dark yet campy introduction to Batman in 1989, yet being an avid comic-book reader since I’ve been 10 (thanks, grampa, for your infinite collection!), this is something I’ve waited for. After the dazzling Spiderman 2 which outshone its predecessor, here’s IMHO the best super hero adaption ever on screen!!

Batman Begins (2005) is a blend of the dark, gothic atmosphere of the first movie and the tormented, realistic portrayal of an ordinary man in extraordinary circumstances we saw in Spiderman 1. In fact, all these stories have a common formula:

Phase 1: Traumatic or lost childhood
Phase 2: Loss of one or more loved ones
Phase 3: Unrequited love during teens and after
Phase 4: A motive to fight crime, usually personal tragedy
Phase 5: Tons of money to fund fancy gadgets and costumes
Phase 6: Years of adventures and duplicity ahead!

Then on, it’s 50 years of comic-book glory, while they go through daily lives as pathetic wimps--- morphing into masked crusaders to save the world!

But then, these are comic books. Not Pulitzer tomes. They reflect the dreams and fantasies of a tired society. They start by putting a smile on the lips, go on to scare the hell out of you and before “The End” make sure you sigh with relief. In that, they really save the world! Enjoy them as such and you will not be disappointed.

Anyone who has read the original Batman comics would notice the dull grey suit and blue cape that was replaced by a black body suit in the recent books and movies. To me, Batman had always been a poor cousin to Superman. Supey could really fly (not glide), he had true X-ray vision, he was Super-man because he had super powers . Batman was just an ordinary kid who developed some muscles, made friends with Superman and, with some effort, managed to glide from the third floor into an alleyway. He couldn’t dodge bullets, he couldn’t melt steel-doors. Hell, he couldn’t even be a rail-track while the train ran over him. So he goes to a tailor and gets himself a fancy “superhero” costume and some bright chaddi to wear over the pants. It still meant that he needed to piggyback on a true superhero, someone with asli talent. That was one reason why I loved the comics where Superman and Batman fought together. Like Sholay ? :=)

As I grew up and learnt the origins of Batman, that view changed completely. Ironically, in the decades later, Batman’s brooding proved to have a more lasting appeal than the glamour of Superman.

Both the heroes were created at the end of 1930s when America was reeling under the Great Depression. Crime and despair are just two manifestations of economic hardship. When two school-kids came up with the idea of an extraterrestrial superhero saving all our problems in one magic stroke, the audiences lapped it up. Comic book publishers commissioned a host of other such superheroes to ride the demand. Green Lantern, Daredevil, Green Arrow, Tarzan, Tomahawk, Turok, Wonder Woman, Spiderman, Thor… the list is endless. “Birdman” was created by Detective Comics (DC) to rival the hot-selling Superman from Action Comics (AC). Bill Finger, the often-unacknowledged co-creator, suggested alterations to the original red costume and bat-wings to remove similarities with Superman. He added the “bat” touches, much like Fox and Alfred help Bruce in the movie, and gave the name-- Batman .

Batman works because he is a mere human. He is triumph of mind over body, of will over evil. He symbolizes the power of human effort over destiny. That is the foundation on which the later comics were built. Over time, the stories faded till Batman became just another swish-bang-boom superhero. Batman Begins takes us back to the 1930's roots. In a contemporary way, it chisels the personality of Bruce Wayne till we understand him as a human—not as a legend. Wayne had the suave charm of Cary Grant, the methodology of Sherlock Holmes and the seething anger of the post-Depression readers. In contrast, Superman was more action-oriented, more fantastic and larger than life.

Nolan's Batman, set in the present era, is as much a period film as a fantasy-thriller.

--------

The performance by Christian Bale is rock solid. He showed his mettle as a teen actor in the Disney movies Newsies and Swing Kids that were popular on Doordarshan Friday nights, long ago. The direction by Chris Nolan, who made ingenious films like Memento and Insomnia, is guaranteed to breathe fresh life into the franchisee. Perfectly cast supporting actors helmed by legendary Morgan Freeman and Michal Caine got whistling applause from the audience.

For those who may not have seen a Batman movie yet, Batman Begins (2005) is just the place to start....

My wish-list for the sequel? An Asian Superman and an African Batman pair up to battle pureblood American villain. Hyuk!

;-)

Big Bang Theory

2008-07-25T16:34:00.009+05:30

Today, there are reports of serial blasts rocking Bangalore. Key areas like Richmond Circle and Forum Mall seem to have been affected. Some people may have died, not too many. They have smartly blocked phones and refused to give meaningful information on websites. The inertia of authorities and lack of communication-facilities have probably done more damage than the blasts themselves.

If they shut off communication, at least they must engage popular websites to inform people on traffic status, route redirection, police presence and other instructions for a secure and orderly return to normalcy. Instead, perverted crisis-management mantras followed by our a-duh-ministers believe in preventing parents from reaching their children, scaring elderly persons by cutting phone and power, making it difficult to organise contingency plans and encouraging misinformation.

Every time there is a change in government, either riots or bomb blasts happen. As the recent trust vote showed, there is no Order of the Phoenix left in Indian polity. With a bunch of Death Eaters bribing and grabbing other Death Eaters, it is merely a match between Voldemort and Grindelwald. The Good vs Evil fight in India today is more like, How-do-I-Profit-from-It vs How-can-I-Save-My-Evil-Ass.

Bangalore managed to throw off the yoke of liars that took India's IT growth 50% back in the last 20 months. As a replacement, we have a party that prides fake encounters, ethnic cleansing and invoking "asmita" as their justification for creating a KGB-like state. Rights and Justice be damned. One can never really trust they will opt for sanity over the more lucrative option of turning this into a "The Muslims did it!" slugfest.

The fear is this should not escalate into a communal clash, since that seems to be the easiest distraction nowadays. With power cuts being a daily affair, water and fuel shortage and no real plans for growth in the near term, the government must be very excited that these blasts will keep "real" issues off the front-page newspapers for the next few days...

Praying that all Bangaloreans are safe and reunite with their family soon.

Baweja Fry

2008-07-09T15:18:00.005+05:30

"I am glad that Harman has been accepted" -- Harry Baweja

This chap is in such denial! 5/10/15 years later, people will remember Love Story 2050 as a landmark, he says. True. The way we still remember and cherish Mithun da's Jallad, Raavan Raj and Gunda made in mid-90s. Must be Puppa Ka Pyaar for his Pappu....

On the other hand, don't miss Jaane Tu... a fantastic feel-good formula film!

Are You Being Served?

2008-07-07T16:48:00.009+05:30

This post is a simple one: to make unsuspecting customers aware of faulty "Manhattan Murder Mystery" DVD being sold at 50% discount in Tata Croma stores (Bangalore, India). Unless I am mistaken, all disks in the batch being off-loaded stop 20 minutes before the end (at chapter 25), right when Woody Allen enters the phone booth to make a call. Friends who bought the 50% off disk at other stores also faced similar issue. We bought this Sony DVD some 6 months back and after 3 trips to replace the replacements, informed both Sony and Croma; yet the disk continues to sell. I took this picture last week at Croma in Eva Mall, Bangalore.

Despite their calls to end piracy, it is surprising how media companies in India cheat worse than those pirates. In any other country, Sony would not only recall all such disks but also pay compensation to whole bunch of buyers. In India, they shamelessly take the customer for a ride by offering blatant 50% off on disks they know to be bad. I had a similar experience with Disney and they sent me the correct disk after 1 month of follow-up. They were selling "The Incredibles", again at 50% off at the same store (Croma), without the special features disk but same catalogue code and DVD cover as the 2-disc edition!!

Perhaps the reason they get away is Indians are so used to bad service, they feel at least the vendor was good enough to offer 50% off on the bad disk. Or maybe we are just too lazy to demand our rights as a customer.

I think I have blogged many times before on the changing face of retail in India. How the shops are getting swankier, how more choices are available and how the latest and the best is available in India. So much so that going abroad is such a bore-- nothing left for us to bring from "phoren". Everything is cheaper and better back home. On the other hand, the experience of shopping itself is becoming more painful. Gone are the days of the ever-eager salesman who'd use both his glib talk and excellent product knowledge to alternately coax you and con you into buying. It was a charming game where you started off testing his knowledge, then he tested your gullibility, so you test how cheap he can go and he tests how much more he can sell you. By the end, the salesman would have made you feel that not only did you get a wonderful bargain but you are an astute shopper as well-- leaving you completely happy.

On the other hand, we have the daft floor staff today who couldn't care less about your needs. They are clueless about the items being stocked and return "No sir, we don't have" without batting an eyelid. They are completely immune to the lost opportunity, lost sales and probably lost customer. At stores like Croma, that boast the Tata name, shopping experience can be frustrating. More for the shameless disinterest shown by the staff than the price or quality of products.

The house of Tata has been know for their "human touch" even in days of Weston TV and Bajaj scooters. I look forward to seeing them get their Mojo back, baby...

Haan, mujhe Marmite se Pyaar hai!

2008-07-03T13:00:00.007+05:30

This is an article from the Times of India, 18 Jan 2002. The page no longer exists, so I extracted it from Google's cache, since it deserves to be preserved for posterity. I only found it while looking for shops in India that might sell a breakfast spread known as "Marmite".

My grandfather discovered Marmite during his studies at London School of Economics, way back in 1920's or whenever. Somehow we had a stash of the yummy gooey stuff when I was growing up, way back in 1980's. Then suddenly they both disappeared from our lives-- grampa and Marmite.

Last month I accompanied a cousin for some mundane grocery shopping in a Singapore mini-mart and what do I see, a gleaming bottle of Marmite, looking exactly as it did years ago, sitting there alone on the shelf. After a moment hesitation, I grabbed the $4 bottle and got her home. Alas, I fell in love with it all over again and so did my dad! I say alas because I haven't found any store in Bangalore selling this yet, including the often-dependable "Spar".

Until someone's coming over from Singapore, then, we can but scroogily apply the manna on our daily bread.... and pray.

-------------

Now for the article I found on TOI:

"Marmite is more than a simple food product: it is a cultural icon, a national symbol. Marmite toast soldiers (dipped into soft-boiled eggs, of course) are as nostalgic as any Madeleine, and as comforting as a pair of old pyjamas. Toddlers thrive on it, armies march on it, and it travels abroad in the suitcases of an estimated 11 per cent of British holidaymakers. This year (2002) Marmite celebrates its centenary and Marmite mania is upon the Brits as they salute the enduring, reassuring qualities of the gooey, brown savoury spread in its design-classic jar.

The use of spent brewer's yeast as a food source was discovered in 1680, but it was not until the 19th century that Louis Pasteur and the german chemist Justus von Liebig found that it could be made into a concentrated, savoury vegetarian food that resembled meat in appearance, smell and colour. It was first manufactured for commercial purposes by the Marmite Food Company Ltd in 1902, at a disused malthouse in Burton-on-Trent; today it is a top 100 food brand valued at #30 million, and the largest brand in the deliciously titled ambient spreads market.

In 1912, the discovery of vitamins helped to boost the popularity of the product when it was realised that Marmite provided a good source of five B vitamins (hence its long-running advertising slogan: the growing up spread you never grow out of). During the first world war, Marmite was given to soldiers to combat beri-beri; in the second world war, it became a valued dietary supplement in prisoner-of-war camps. In 1999, it was sent to peacekeeping forces in Kosovo after the company received a letter begging for jars to boost morale.

Realising how severely split the public was, Marmite launched the you-either-love-it-or-hate-it advertising campaign, with such brilliant micro-dramas as the couple who arrive home desperate to have sex. She has a bite of toast with Marmite, kisses him, and he gags disgustedly. As the ads point out, there will always be those who regard the spread as devil's spawn; when it comes to Marmite, there is no middle ground."

------------

Wonder if any fans of Marmite in my readership?

A prayer and not much else that we can offer...

2008-07-03T11:16:00.003+05:30

Heart-rending post by The Mad Momma

An excerpt:

"I listened to him in horror. It’s the kind of thing that can happen to any of us. Do you know where you child is right now? As you read this post? In the nursery? In school? In daycare? With the maid? In bed? Playing by your side? This could happen to any of us. The child falling off a table he has clambered on to and injuring himself, being rushed in for surgery and losing all his senses thanks to two idiot doctors who should be shot and chopped into teeny tiny pieces. How do they do it? How can you read a paper that says left eye and operate on the right eye? A person educated enough to be a doctor should be able to tell the difference between left and right. A person educated to be a doctor should know that precious lives rest in his hands."

Makes all the whining on this blog so insignificant by comparison. Wonder what keeps them going? God? That must be it, because for the life of me I can't think of anything else....

Go ahead and read it here.

Springtime for Mallya

2008-07-01T16:34:00.013+05:30

I recently saw a movie where the producer generates finance for his Broadway shows by conning little old ladies. He wins their trust and shows them da love, only to pocket their "checkees". Air Deccan, that charming seducer who forever changed the way Indians view flying, seems to have gone down the same path.

Most people I know, especially the older lot who is not so familiar with the Internet and its resident evils, equate flying with Air Deccan and Air Deccan with the concept of e-tickets. They still believe that Air Deccan spells low-cost, decent quality travel, easy ticket booking and Captain Gopinath's idealism.

Enter Mallya.

Simplifly Deccan today, renamed and recolored, is only too happy to use the trust of those very same people to con them with fine-print and complicated web user-interface. The best part is most people, like Max Bialystock's little old ladies, would go on living happy lives in their blissfull ignorance. Which is good, in a way, I guess.

What they do is add a default insurance charge to every ticket. This lets them pick-pocket a cool Rs.99 in the blink of an eye when you book online. While this itself is not wrong, the way they do it is. Yes, the break up and total charges show up on top of the page.The option to refuse insurance is further down the page, lost among the terms and conditions. The idea being that once a certain price is OK, people tend to skip the fine-print and go straight to the "BOOK NOW" button.

Even a net-savvy person like me caught this only because the website I use to book my travel (god bless them!!) have put a warning below their Deccan listing to this effect. I wonder how many little old ladies have contributed Rs.99 to Mallya's PYT fund.

-------------

The story in pictures:

Deccan flight to Pune shows up as costing Rs.3175 on www.ixigo.com

www.ixigo.com thoughtfully places a warning to alert users against Deccan's trick. This warning is not available to users of other travel websites or those booking direct at Deccan website.

The Deccan website now shows the same fare as Rs.3274 (instead of Rs.3175). An nominal increase of Rs.99 a layman might assume is merely another one of those "surcharges".

Option to refuse insurance does not come before the total fare is shown. It does not come even in the next section. It is cached among lots of T&C looking text, after the passenger details are entered (means, one has mentally moved on from thinking about fare related details)

The correct fare Rs.3175 is shown, same as Ixigo, once we remember to deselect the insurance charge.

Down to Earth

2008-06-30T16:28:00.008+05:30

Recently, I decided to travel Bangalore to Pune by bus and came away pleasantly surprised. Couple of reasons prompted this "daring" step, now that we are so used to flying. One reason is definitely the rising fuel costs that have made air travel so expensive. A no-frills plane journey that cost Rs.2000 all incl about 18 months ago, now costs upwards of Rs.4000. Secondly, there was fear of the new Bangalore airport that has effectively quarantined the city. The time and taxi cost to reach the airport is not for the faint-hearted.

The first surprise was the ability to painlessly book tickets on the Volvo service (called 'Airavatha') at the Karnataka State Road Transport website. I could get availability and schedules, pay by credit card and even view seat-map. The bus leaves from platform#1 at Majestic bus stand, where the destination boards make it easy to find the bus. The staff was also quite civil and the bus-stand was less chaotic than most airports today. The next surprise was that, unlike private buses, the KSRTC Volvo left sharp on time.

Facilities offered were a blanket, 500ml water bottle and a fairly well-made in-bus magazine! They did tantalize you with 5 minutes of two new hindi movies before abruptly replacing the DVD with a grating Rajkumar movie from the 1970s. This part, though disappointing, was kind of expected in these times of regional chauvinism. Dinner was at an acceptable Kamat's rest-stop at 7:30pm after which we travelled uninterrupted till 6:30AM the next day. Temperature in the cabin was OK and except for the honk-happy driver, it was a comfortable night journey. 18 hours after I left home, I sat with my parents sipping tea in Pune. All this for a princely sum of Rs.820 ticket, plus Rs.50 dinner and Rs.200 auto-rickshaw charges. That is approx what I would spend on just the taxi to reach new BIAL airport!!

On the way back, I had already booked a flight. Traveling light and in the mood to experiment, I took the shuttle from BIAL to JP Nagar instead of a taxi. This is available after you pass all the taxi guys soliciting you at the exit, so it is easy to miss unless you lookfor it. The bus bay is on the far right, towards the parking lot. The bus is an excellent cheap option (Rs.80 non-AC and Rs.150 AC) that leaves every 30 minutes. There are some 8 or 9 routes and newbies can consult large route-maps on the platform itself, to see which bus drops them off nearest to hotel/home. See schedule online or book buses at www.viaworld.in. These special buses have luggage racks, helpful, polite conductors and good frequency, making this experience worth repeating.

On the flip side, it still takes a good 2 hours, same as a taxi ride, and is more exhausting and dizzying than the 15 hour bus-ride to Pune. Plus you spend three times the money, one hour in air and total of 9 hours door-to-door. BIAL has given us Bangaloreans a royal buggering-- just to see the baggage-claim belt start rolling was a 30 minutes wait! Not to mention the fact that the toilets are stinky, wet and cramped while for some reason you can only buy 500ml water at 20 bucks. Why cannot they sell the standard 1 litre bottle for Rs.12, like everywhere else? Does "international quality" translate as "squeezing the helpless passenger at every stage" in your dictionary, Mr. Brunner?

Nevertheless, it was heartening to see the small steps we have taken in ensuring passenger comfort and connectivity, even as we suffer some large mis-steps in the lopsided infrastructure game. In the era of rising inflation, it was good to see that low-cost options such as buses and trains are much better now than they were in the late 90s.

Raj Thackeray's Vision of Paradise

2008-05-23T12:54:00.007+05:30

Feneck Mgawa, a 39-year-old mechanic from Malawi, came to South Africa 18 months ago. He owned a box of tools and got work right away, living modestly in a hovel in a squatter’s camp and sending cash home each month to his wife and two children.

He was exactly the kind of foreigner the hateful mob wanted to kill.

Last weekend, the marauders came to his shack and looked him over. Just to be sure they were not misdirecting their rage, they asked, “Are you a foreigner?” He spoke enough Zulu to lie, but what was the use? His accent would have given him away. He escaped with his life only after being beaten with sticks and pelted with rocks, he said.

Mr. Mgawa is now one of 6,000 immigrants displaced in recent days by xenophobic violence here in Reiger Park, just east of Johannesburg. Like many of the others, he is afraid to return to his shack or go to his job. He sleeps on the floor of a church and eats sandwiches and porridge donated by South Africans who are appalled at the murderous behavior of their countrymen. More from NY Times

They could well be talking of Bombay. Ten years of peace since 1992 is causing an annoying itch in some crotches. Unfortunately, we are more than willing to lend our scratching services to such "leaders", deliberately deluded that the growing xenophobia in all parts of India will somehow benefit us....

Welcome to Fool's Paradise. Mr.Thackeray and Mr.Gowda will be your hosts for the evening. Enjoy your Porridge and Bread.

Free Labor > Free Tibet

2008-05-05T20:45:00.011+05:30

Came across this interesting history of how the Beijing Olympics logo was designed. Normally, this would be no more than somebody with a lot of free time and an Image processing software. I must admit, though, it had some sort of an impact on me... and I thought of all those kids mowed down at Tianamen square. Those were China's own children, brutally and unrepentantly shredded by their own government. Imagine what humanity would be shown to someone treated as an "outsider" and a "rebel" by China? And then this graphic will not look so far-fetched.

It was a pity that nations and societies that lend lip service to justice and freedom took ultimate pains to ensure that Tibetan protests were quelled during the Torch Run. Nations that overun sovereign states in the name of "freeing" their people (weren't they happier without the daily bomb blasts?), chose to believe China's assurances on human rights being preserved. Oops, did we just knock that monk over the cliff?

Whether it is the village landlord, galli ka gunda or diplomacy, the bottomline stays the same. Respect is not earned, but bought. Either with fear or with cash. China is extremely important to all global economies at this time. China allows everyone to "cut costs" and "stay competitive"-- and sell to their burgeoning middle class. India could learn this from China, how to take its own "size" seriously-- and refuse to take bu**sh** from kindergarten Presidents about her food habits!

In the calculation of morals and ethics, it appears that Free Labor has greater value than a Free Tibet.

Enjoy your triathlons!

Sinister Refund Policies of Low Cost Airlines

2008-03-24T16:21:00.004+05:30

Air Deccan has a new terms and conditions policy in place. In the age of fine-print and mouth-watering deals, it is important to highlight these changes. Deccan has a large following of elderly and first-time travelers that are not as comfortable with the nuances of flying (and Internet). They flocked to fly the benevolent vision charted by Capt Gopinath, with generous terms and friendly conditions. Dr.Mallya has decided to end that nonsense.

New Terms and Conditions of Air Deccan, effective 17 March 2008, click here.

The base fare from Pune to Bangalore is Rs.500. The cancellation fee is Rs.750.

No refunds if you cancel within 4 hours of departure time.

Refunds to Credit Card will be made within 14 days. Somehow it takes 14 seconds for the money to be credited into Kingfisher/Deccan's account. Why does it take 14 days for it to get out?

Refund will be in form of a Credit Voucher and not cash. This must be used within 180 days. If you are the type who can only afford an annual vacation, you will learn to take the bus next time.

Even if the cancellation is done by Deccan due to flight delay, fog, etc., you still don't get all your money back. All you get is the Credit Voucher. If you decided never to use Deccan services again, say bye bye to your money before leaving the Airport.

I am sure other airlines will soon follow the brilliant model developed by the brilliant Dr.Mallya. In the absence of any regulatory control on the misleading advertising and illogical pricing, Airlines will earn more from cancellations and goof-ups than from the ticket fare itself!

Banks have had a similar golden age for 15 years, while they fleeced each other's customers for using non-bank ATMs. The RBI has suddenly woken up and decided customer should get ATM facility free. One day, IRDA, DGCA, TRAI and all the other abbreviations (rather, aberrations) will also wake up.

Woh subah kabhi toh aayegi...

Shatranj Ke Khiladi

2008-03-14T15:52:00.004+05:30

Felt an uneasy parallel developing with the classic Satyajit Ray movie as I heard Praful Patel talk about how the government is helpless, the existing airports will have to be shut. Nothing personal, but the government was hoodwinked into entering an innocent-looking trade-agreement. Now they must stand by it and sacrifice the public good if it comes to that. Meanwhile, the BIAL has graciously allowed the ousted Royals (VIPs, actors, ministers and friends of Mr.Patel) the use of HAL airport so they may retain their lifetsyle without the hassle of going all the way to Devanahalli.

I could almost imagine Amjad Khan speaking (as the last emperor of Avadh) as I read Mr.Patel's comment. Those eyes begging for sympathy, the bravado in a voice trying to be authoritative even as he takes off the Royal Crown in acknowledgement of the fact that the East India Company had pulled the rug from under his feet. "Gee, the Company traders brought such goodies, how could I turn them away and upset them?"
He never saw it coming...

What takes the cake is the new request by the government cadres themselevs to delay opening the airport by just enough weeks that elections pass. Once a new set of leeches latch on to power, the public can rant as much as they want, the ministerial bums will stay warm for five long years. Five long years of hardship and endurance for both the Indian people and anyone unlucky enough to land here without access to connecting helicopters. Five long years. Enough for everyone to get used to traveling that way, enough for India to move back 20 years, long enough for the airport becoming the least of our worries.

The Bangalore government is not new at making a mockery of infrastructure. We boast of the world's ONLY flyover that has a traffic signal on top!! This, after some erudite monkey stopped all traffic for 2 years to build a flyover no one would use. No one lost his job after that one. I doubt anyone will learn from the airport fiasco.

The most probable lesson the Government might learn? Add an "Infrastructure Cess" to everyone's Income Taxes...

There's an absolutely delightful and balanced comment on this situation on the Business Standard website.

We are Same Same No Different

2008-03-08T13:28:00.005+05:30

* DIE SPEECH BUBBLE LOGO, DIE
Because marketing became "conversation".. [ http://snipurl.com/bubble_logos ]

(Hilarious Expose; Courtesy the brilliant Shashank)

India's 1 Billion Strong Population

2008-03-07T18:20:00.006+05:30

The opening of new Bangalore airport (BIAL) is less than a month away and the severely myopic government is still only debating whether to allow two airports or shut the existing airport at HAL. No one seems to care that in a sane society, months of planning is required to carry out the transition smoothly. It is as if the airlines would be expected to move (or not?) the equipment and personnel overa distance of 40KM, with maybe a day's notice! Worse, there is no discussion on providing basic ancillaries like regulated (well-publicised, fixed tariff) taxi services to and from the airport, correct road-signage, transit/food facilities outside the airport and Park and Fly facilities to avoid extortionate taxi-cartels from holding arriving passengers at ransom.

Despite being a resident of the city, I am petrified of landing late night or during an emergency (delayed flights, floods, strikes -- all too common in Bangalore) in the middle of nowhere that is BIA. I can barely imagine the plight of a visitor who comes with little or no knowledge of Bangalore.

The BIAL consortium has washed its hands off anything and everything outside the Airport. For them, the travel ends once you exit the gates of the Terminal. That a dust road would take you from the swanky airport to city centre is the government's problem, they say. That is fair, I suppose. However, airports that pretend to be "hubs" have an excellent ground transport and passenger helpdesk infrastructure. Most of them have such perfect signage that a visitor may find his way to wherever, without once having to ask for assistance or know the local language. It may well be responsibility of the local government but it blends so well with the in-terminal flow, the comfort zone of the Airport is usually maintained through the check-in to a hotel. This applies even if you stay in a 2-star hotel.

As of today, the road connecting the airport to the city-centre has intersections every 10 meters. There is no alternative road. BIAL is about 45KM from the southern IT Corridor. At average speed of 15 KM per hour that one manages in Bangalore, passengers would have to budget 3 hours travel-time plus 3 hours check-in time, if all goes well. The rail link and expressway are both at least 3-4 years away. Construction has not even begun on either!

Despite this mockery of travel, BIAL insists that the HAL airport must be closed. Too bad if passengers are inconvenienced and too bad if those who survive are too exhausted from the ordeal. There is some lopsided contract that states no airport would operate within 150 KM of BIA, even if all BIAL did was construct a cow-shed. A contract is a contract, they say.

Indian intelligentsia defends BIAL, worrying that if a government reneges on the contract, it would send the wrong message to the International Investor community. They say that investors would shy away from Indian infrastructure projects.

My view is that by making the International Passenger community add six or more hours to a travel itinerary is not just sending out a wrong message but killing the messenger from the strain! In a free-market economy, there is no place for anti-trust contracts when all demand factors are screaming for not two but even a third airport at Mysore! The worried elite seems to be stuck in a colonial time-warp. They have not been able to break the chains that created the ramshackle days of Air India and AAI in the first place...

BIAL is in a position to be arrogant because they know that despite all the hooplah, passengers will have no option but to swallow the pill. Like everything else, they will get used to the long journey, the high taxi fare, the inconvenient schedules and the wasted productivity. Airlines will continue to expand and BIAL will continue to earn from both passengers (user-development fee) and airlines (monopolistic landing/parking fee). The government will not do anything to hurt them because a) there is no government and b) the profits are too sweet even if there was one. Besides, there is the holy contract.

Similarly, and for a change, the Indian population has a chance to be arrogant. Don't worry, BIAL would still make money, whether there was one airport or five! As for the investors shying away, there is too much money in Indian growth story for that to happen. No one is going to give up on the huge returns from Indian Infrastructure projects merely because one BIAL got screwed by the government (while it tried to screw the people). Let BIAL not be a sequel to Enron.

The government must do what is best for the Indian people and not what pleases a bunch of profit-hungry, blinkered-vision mis-managers. Indians have historically been a compromising and fatalistic people. Today, no economy of the world can survive without an "India story". It is time the 1 Billion Strong population of India appreciated its own strength and took "compromise" out of its collective genes!

Pardesi Pardesi Aana Nahi

2008-02-04T15:52:00.000+05:30

On Sunday, Raj Thackeray thrashed taxi-drivers and hawkers in Dadar who have been ekeing out a living in Mumbai for decades. Most of them even before Raj Thackeray was even born. Their crime: either they or their fathers were born in a different part of India.

On Monday, Radio City, the last bastion of good music in Bangalore city (which, contrary to what BIAL may believe, is not called Bengaluru yet) turned "local". For some odd reason, having local pride in India excludes national pride. As a result, some programming head decided up in his Ivory Tower that popular entertainment must talk the "official" language and not the popular one. 60 years after independance, officials would have us believe that hindi--and not English-- is the link language. In the remotest corners of the country, if one must be understood, the only thing that works better than English is sign-language!

A similar myopia has hit the radio industry. With ad budgets being reserved for television, the size of the FM pie is so small that the channels are unable to recover their costs no matter what they do. Reeling under the illogical high license fee to operate an FM station, most are being driven to random and desperate acts of management before they get snuffed. Two such acts are

playing only the latest 5 tunes all day long with even songs from the 90s relegated to a 30 minute "Golden Oldies" show at 7AM on a weekend.
getting all the jock-talk to be done in the state language, alienating the youth and migrant audience.

This is a good idea for say, a new channel to differentiate itself. But when all channels do exactly the same thing, not only do they become extremely monotonous but also waste precious airwaves that could be used for genuine entertainment. Just like the film-industry of the 1980s was run by businessmen and not film-makers, no one running FM channels today seems to have any music-sense. When they proudly claim in interviews such as this one that the only differentiator in their channel is a chance to win Rs.One Lakh if you tune in, can you really expect this chap to now his Santana from his Nusrat?

I saw the same depressing trend in TV with new channels like NDTV Imagine and 9X shying away from new programming and maintaining the glut of saas-bahu serials with lengthy titles and zero-page scripts. The punch-line is when they wonder aloud in trade-magazines later as to how they haven't managed to make an impact. I mean, hello, are they really paying MBAs to do this thinking for them?

Why is it that as Indians, our "soch" does not extend beyond 2 square miles whether it comes to food, music or plain humanity?

Tata's Nano -- First Look

2008-01-10T14:08:00.000+05:30

I always curse Bajaj uncle every time I step on the brake while driving.

The easy-maneuverability, wobbly design and low-cost running of the 3-wheelers (fondly called Autos or Autorickshaws) that he sprayed onto Indian roads have become the largest hurdle in having a decent traffic pattern. Cities like Bombay have banned autos from the business districts, which is such a blessing. In Bangalore, the irrationally large number of licenses doled out by vote-happy politicians have multiplied the mess. With their sudden stopping, sudden swerving and smoke-spewing posteriors, this breed of vehicles takes back in public safety and convenience what it offers by way of "transport".

Tata Uncle has brought the same menace to 4 wheelers now. The Tata NANO was launched at Auto Expo in New Delhi today, with an ex-showroom price of $2500. While we appreciate his concern for the middle class to have an affordable vehicle, we wonder whether at that cost he can really promise a SAFE ride to the family? With the raging road traffic, especially the Monster Cabs and SUVs, being in the Nano might be akin to sitting in Bajaj Uncle's autos!

While the commercial success of this-- and copy-cats to follow-- is near assured, one wonders if that same middle-class is not cutting the branch it is sitting on? Corrupt or sleeping municipalities sanction new Malls and Office Complexes as part of India's reality boom with parking sufficient for 20 vehicles and seat capacity of 3000 or more! Residential complexes sport the "Visitor Parking Not Allowed" banner. Fancy hypermarts like Forum, Spar and Big Bazar have absolutely no access road, causing main-road traffic to pile up for miles as cars wait to find parking slots. With high-end vehicles like Skoda and Hyundai spewing black smoke, the sanctity of PUC certificate is a joke!

Add the Nano and its sisters to this milieu. Tata and Toyota would do the common man a much greater service if they came up with more affordable, more efficient and more accessible public-transport vehicles that city municipalities could deploy with their meagre budgets.

First Day, Last Show

2008-01-07T11:51:00.000+05:30

CubbyR saw his first movie in the theatre last evening.

Took him to our favorite Urvashi theatre, near Lalbag. It is one of the rare single-screen theatre with low-priced sandwiches and pop corn during interval. Sadly they have tried to go "multiplexy" by putting up LCD screens to display ticket availability and jacking up ticket rates. Thankfully, the inside still retains the old world charm and usual hooting-whistling junta!

The fellow jumped out of his skin as soon as the decibels of Bollywood ambience score hit him. He kept whimpering and yet turning around to have a look at the screen. After a few sessions of Abha running out the hall with him, he got used to the sound. Soon he started smiling and (hopefully) enjoyed the rumbunctious goings-on. During the climax, he even managed to nap comfortably. By the time he came home, the Cub was all set to recount the plot till 2:30AM in his usual, non-verbal, pelvic-thrusting excitement gestures...

Unfortunately, the lack of last-minute tickets for good movies means that we cannot proudly reveal the name of his first movie experience. Unless you say "Thank You" ;-)

Earlier in the evening, a staffer at Urvashi spotted my flat tire. At 9PM on a Sunday in Sleepy City when all shops would be closed! Ouch. We started inching our way looking for a tyre repair shop. Typical Indian style, we were told "It's just ahead..." every time we asked. A drunk in the very shady "Mavalli" area near Lalbag volunteered information about a chap "at the next circle". Turns out he was the only one who knew!

The place is just before Basappa Circle on the left, on the road from Lalbagh Main gate to City Market, beyond Minerva Circle. The guy was called Jaffer and he's open daily till 1AM. He did charge me 250 bucks to replace the entire tube, but fixed us up in about 10 minutes and was very polite and efficient. (I am inclined to believe the tube-story since Pradeep Shetty of RNS Motors did give me a raw deal for the "Truevalue" car. I found Mandovi Motors to be much more reliable for Maruti needs in Bangalore.)

Next, we grabbed a yummy Jowar-Bhakri meal at Kamat's on JC Road before going for the late night movie with our Cub. The Kamat's are a renowned South Indian brand and this place was no different. Delicious leaf-thaali and homely service!

This was probably the first adventure day for CubbyR and one he's least likely to remember. A milestone nonetheless and he was such a sport the entire time!

Woh Kaagaz Ki Kashti, Woh Baarish Ka Paani

2007-12-21T17:34:00.000+05:30

Being Aamir's directorial debut, one was sure "Taare Zameen Par (2007)" would be a didactic film. Somehow, Aamir never sets out to just tell a story or make a movie; the social message is never far away. He would almost be a Shyam Benegal if not for the dollops of humor he manages to sprinkle in his movies. The archaic belief that humor stains the “purity” of a serious message is the biggest mistake made, I feel, by "art movie" makers. A brilliant work like "Khoya Khoya Chand (2007)" was ruined by its droning pace and monotonic atmosphere. You look forward to Aamir’s cinema because he uses humor, songs-- even pretty heroines-- to make sure his serious cinema is taken seriously!

The movie is straightforward. Tells the story of a misunderstood dyslexic kid who leads a tortured life till new Teacher Aamir uncle comes and makes everything OK. Everyone is sorry they treated him bad. Happy ending! Blah Blah.

Hardly a spoiler, would you say?

What I was not ready for was the dollops of tears that forced their way out of my eyes. I am a "Kill Bill (2003)" type of viewer and any movie with less than 100 explosions and 35 gallons of blood is usually not worth my while. Imagine my surprise when TZP easily squeezed those emotions I never knew I had. So much for predictability!

What makes it stick with you is the uncanny acting of the kid. I must commend Aamir's direction, in the absence of any other reason, to get so many kids to act so naturally. Move over, Mr.India! The repressed anger, the fear, the small joys and the yearning to belong. Ishaan displays everything so effortlessly it would put many matinee idols to shame. He manages all this without being corny or melodramatic.

Then there is Setu's photography that captures the tiny details we all remember having watched as kids. Then forgotten in the rush to to attend the next con-call. Like the ripples made in a puddle after a car runs over, the aggressive spray of shower in the bathroom ("c'mon, you wanna fight? c'mon!!"), the miracle of watching "ice gola" being made at Juhu beach... the kaagaz ki kashtis, the baarish ka paanis...

Finally there is Prasoon Joshi. The only reason one would watch this (like, RDB) many times over-- in theatres! Simple, non-complicated (Gulzarji, you listening?) and pedestrian lyrics. Stuff you can identify with, stuff that makes so much sense and yet sounds so poetic! Funny and sad at the same time. Added to Shankar Ehsaan Loy's music and Ram Madhvani’s (of "Let's Talk (2002)" fame) cameo direction, each song tells a story.

The innovative start credits and lovely collage during end-credits are not to be missed. The movie got a standing ovation at the Bangalore theatre we visited, from a predominantly college crowd at that.

I hope it sensitizes Indian schools and society to treat all children as mere “children”. We have to let them enjoy the colors and miracle of nature that adult life requires us to ignore. I loved this movie not so much for its message on dyslexia (although it makes a powerful statement) as for how it reminded me that I was a kid once. It reminded me how I wished those damn adults would just “understand”! I remembered how I’d decided to remember my childhood and not change into an “adult”.

Now that I have a kid of my own, TZP is just what I needed to make sure I treat my little star with the respect he deserves and not as a “race horse”.

God Vs Gowda

2007-11-23T10:53:00.001+05:30

In recent weeks, Shining India has been splattered from all sides by pigs who revel in the muck of old days. They are so comfortable romping in their swamp that it is not possible for anyone to pass them by and still stay clean.

There's the Dumbledore Vs Ministry of Magic type fantasy being played out between the AIIMS Director and Ambumani Ramadoss. Horror of horrors, unlike the children's book, the obviously egomaniac Minister will actually succeed in running AIIMS like his personal fiefdom, with the gracious support of the Official Termites of India-- Communist Parties.

Then, of course, there's the carnage in Kolkata and Nandigram led by the Termites themselves. Gnawing away at the foundations of India's most cultural and erudite State, they merrily kill and claw at ghosts of the past.
On the other hand, looking at Congress' record at using riots as a political weapon in the past, I am inclined to believe conspiracy theorists who suspect that spontaneous burning of Kolkata that caught many school-children in the crossfire was organised by Congress to avenge their humiliation by the CPM at the Centre. Hmmmm...

In the middle, there was the tiny story of Shiv Sena rioting outside SRK's house to protest against the spoof on Manoj Kumar in "Om Shanti Om (2007)". Only in India can a spoof be expected to not make fun of anyone or anything!
Geez

Finally, there is Deve Gowda and Son playing she-loves-me, she-loves-me-not with the horny as hell Yeddiurappa of the BJP. For more than 10 weeks now, the threesome have let Bangalore burn while they indulge themselves in some Power Orgy. Yeddy will bend in any direction as long as he gets to be CM-- if even for a week!!! Gowda and Son will state anything and behave anyway they want, because ultimately they only need to state their Caste and all is forgiven.

Meanwhile, entrepreneurs are shying away from Bangalore, the roads and power gets more dodgy by the day, there is no one to ponder over long-term solutions to new Airport access or illegal hacking of trees. The grand-old men of the city have decided the city needs a facelift to look like something out of a B-Grade Kurt Russel movie (read: Escape from LA).

The funniest part is that come elections, Gowda will defeat God and everyone who believes in his justice to emerge as a majority party in Karnataka (remember Mayawati's betrayal of BJP?). Ramadoss will go on to become Chief Minister of Tamil Nadu. CPM will go on to rule another 25 years in West Bengal.

And Manoj Kumar will play the lead (with Dev Anand playing Pappu) in OSO-- The Sequel.

Airtel Narrow Minds

2007-11-23T10:25:00.000+05:30

This is an amusing anecdote.

With all my BSNL troubles, I applied for an Airtel broadband connection in the meanwhile. This was, like, a month and a half ago. Two weeks back, an executive calls me and asks if I need DSL at a certain address. I said, no, that is my office address. I need DSL at my home address. He said, oh, I will ask the executive of that area to call you back.

Yesterday, another executive called back. He asked if I needed DSL at a certain address. I said, no, that is my office address. I have applied for DSL at home which-- despite what companies would wish-- is still not the same location as office. He said that area has no feasibility. I said, I know. That was the case 3 years ago as well. I just took a chance that in 3 years, Airtel would have attempted at penetrating more of the city rather than merely squeezing more out of existing customers. After all, isn't that the reason the government is wary of letting private sector rule the roost? That they will merely focus on a minority that is profitable and lose sight of rural-obligation or wide penetration.

He said, yeah whatever. Then he added, but sir, if you want at the certain address I can come and fill the forms now!

With morons like these representing the best Indian firms, I wonder how far the Indian success story will last?

On a related note, I have been so disappointed with India's answer to Fry's and Circuit City. Everytime I go to eZone, the electronics super store by Big Bazaar guys, I leave without buying anything. Yes, they stock well and cost less-- which is what will make them successful in India. But they staff so poorly that the "fun" of discussing technology with an expert before buying some high-tech gadget is lost. They do nothing more than point to the items, after reading the labels as if its the first time they've been to the shop!

In the race to be low-cost and high-profits, we are losing out on developing a professional, smart bunch of workers. In the long run, what our large population needs are motivated, driven people and not merely zombies manning McJobs.

Daddy Day Care

2007-11-06T13:13:00.001+05:30

Our son is now Three Months Three Weeks Old

It is almost a year since the cold winter day my wife jumped onto the bed and sang, "Samjho ho hi gaya... waah waah waah..." to the tune of Lage Raho Munnabhai. She was referring to the positive home-pregnancy test and I was waiting groggily for my morning coffee. Half a day later, the doctor confirmed it. Half a week later, it sunk in. Golly Gee Whiz! I am gonna be a DADDY!!!

I would look at her and wonder, the baby is going to come out in 9 months. Who the hell waits THAT long for something great to happen? How do people ever manage to live through NINE whole months of waiting? How can something we are happy today for, happen actually 40 weeks from today?!

And then, I was waiting in the Doctor's lobby while he rushed in to manage the labor. It took him 15 minutes and still no news. How do people survive that one hour (or two? or ten?) from labor to delivery? It was 20 minutes and I panicked so much. At 25, I sms'd my mom to please pray. At 30, I made all sorts of deals with God if only he made sure everything went smooth. 45 minutes later, all deals forgotten, I was staring unspeaking, unemotional and unsurely at a wrinkled bundle of flesh that the nurse claimed: "Baba zhaala aahe".
This is it? This is what I am expected to love for the rest of my life?

Then he blessed us with a smile. Bouncing, kicking and occassionally crying. Gripping a finger tightly in all his fingers. Drooling away to glory. Revelling in the wet bed sheets. Poking us with those bright beaming eyes. And smiling suddenly. At Three Months Three Weeks, one year from the day he was "announced" by Circuit (the Singing Mom), Kabir has become the "bundle of joy" and "miracle of birth" that we were told to expect. The joy of beholding him far exceeds anything I could have imagined-- both good and bad. I am so glad his mom took advantage of me, that rainy anniversary night.

---------

Yesterday, his day-care nanny started work.

This is like the biggest milestone yet. This is the lady who will be his world for the next, hopefully, year or so. This is the lady who will love him like we do, care for him and teach him so much! It is a scary thought. And yet, it is inevitable. On one hand, we are glad he will learn to become independant and strong from an early age. On the other, we fear like all parents do-- is this the right thing to do? Will she manage fine? Will he be safe?

Will he be happy?

I think so. After all, he is a chip off the ol' mom. She has the uncanny talent to stay happy and make others feel happy. He's got it made!!

Vote Bank of India

2007-11-04T13:31:00.000+05:30

I happened to watch one of these toxic "reality TV" shows at my parents' house recently. This one was a national talent hunt. In the last couple of years, the hunt for raw-talent has suddenly turned into a "Survivor" type elimination battle! Now the best singer is someone who can use the right gimmicks and emotions to win SMS votes from the audience, not necessarily someone validated by the panel of judges on technical parameters of sur and taal.

I don't care what they do on the show, really. What amused me was that we keep criticising politicians for playing dirty vote bank politics all the time. They appeal to the caste, religion, region or even language of their constituency to win elections despite record of visiting the village only once in 5 years and having no development projects to their credit. We blame all of India's problems on their "greed" for votes and apathy towards the "big picture".

Armchair democrats found it easy to ask politicians to win votes based on "pure merit". We all claimed that had it been in our hands, we'd think about national interest and not self-promotion. Vote patterns in these shows tell a different story. This is not even subtle-- the contestants openly appeal to their region/caste to "bhaari sankhya mein support deejiye"!

Every week, Amritsar doesn't care if the singer is off-key, as long as he is a Sardar. Nasik doesn't care if the voice grates, as long as she comes from Maharashtra. People will organise collection drives in remote villages of Bengal, to bulk-sms votes for their "needy" singer. The Lingayats don't care if total development stops in Bangalore and governance becomes a joke--- as long the CM is not a Vokkaliga. Where's the difference?

The minute the common man of India has the opportunity to earn a vote, he goes all out to win them on the basis of caste, religion, region, language and even "meri maa bahut beemar hai, agar mujhe votes nahi mile toh woh mar jaayegi" type sympathy-waves! What is worse, it works and people do vote on these lines! Everyone happily calls this Patriotism.

The stakes are much lower on a TV show, but do we prove ourselves any better to "Lead India"?

Thanks to Alka Yagnik & Co., I am beginning to believe the adage I debated viciously earlier: People get the Government they Deserve...

With Great Power Comes Great Irresponsibility

2007-10-31T15:18:00.000+05:30

My troubles with BSNL DSL Broadband continue. It has been three months since it went down and I have yet to get a single sympathetic or sensible response from them. More than just the outage, it is the outrage that bothers me. The power they wield, the immunity they enjoy and their ability to make you feel powerless. In that sense, PSUs are a great equaliser-- whether I am in Bangalore or in Bihar!

Managed to make their chaps visit my house only twice since first registering the complaint. The first time, he told my wife the problem is with LAN cable that connects modem to laptop. Change that it will work! The second time, he said we cannot test without laptop. We will come back when your husband is home!

The issue is rather simple: the ADSL link is down. The SNR on the line keeps fluctuating between 0 dB and 22 dB. If they fix the physical line, that would fix everything. But since the voice calls work fine, lineman insists line is OK. Dataone guy insists there is nothing they can do (except send me a bill every month!) unless the local exchange fixes the line.

I have visited the customer care. The much-hyped centres opened in every locality to sell you the forms for new services. They passed me to the JTO. I called the helpdesk number at 1500. They passed me on to 18004241600. After averaging 6 minutes on hold, I get an agent who merrily gives me a new Docket Number each time and goes on to twiddle their thumbs at me-- I am here, sir, but I cannot do anything sir.

"Sorry saar, can you call to Exchange saar? It is local lead issue saar. ADSL is OK saar"
"Sorry saar, there is no escalation number or contact person. Please call to JTO saar"
"Sorry saar, we cannot do anything saar. Please call to JTO saar"
"OK saar, if you wants to disconnect connection. But even that we cannot do here saar. Please contact to Exchange saar..."

And to think my taxes pay his salary every month, just to sit there and gurgle :-(

I even made a list of all the docket numbers I collected for posterity. Maybe someday the son of a BSNL GM will be educated enough to go through Blogs and sympathise with me and ask his papa to take action on the docket!

Visits to the exchange are wasted, since the officer, (the famous JTO!) Mr.Sidappa, is never there. Everyone brandishes his number 080-2012-4087 but no one ever picks it up! I even received an acknowledgement on a signed complaint. They stamped it while smirking "Kya Ukhaad Lega?" which, unfortunately, is not far from the truth.

I took cell numbers of linemen, a Mr.Arun at 98449-76859. I sent emails to the so-called nodal officers listed on www.bsnl.co.in. No ack to the email, only more gurgle from the linemen.

The trouble is, I live in an area that has no Airtel broadband feasibility (Considering they've not arranged it in past 5 years, maybe I'm better off without Airtel!!). The comforts of public-sector monopoly in spectrum allocation make it very difficult to expect any service from BSNL/MTNL. There is no organised forum or recourse in India to make these people help you or pay for the harassement! So I blog instead.

In recent years, India's success story has outpaced even our own wild imaginations. Today, my boss in the US finds it hard to believe delays due to power outage or flooded roads or no DSL in India's Silly-Con Valley! Yet, these are real issues. There is a limit to how far we can cover up for our inefficiencies and costs, by leveraging the mega-population and weak rupee. If we continue to ignore basics like Communication, Transport, Power and Security it will not be long before smaller countries play catch-up. Already, a mere 10% rise in rupee has made some BPOs and Textile Exporters shut shop.

As for me, I guess I am relegated to the backwaters of the Information Highway until I can find an Uncle who works for BSNL or rent a house in Airtel territory!!

PS: An update on Nov 3 -- The Link is UP!!! God knows if this is a coincidence, but immediately after I vented on the blog, that guy Arun came and changed the modem, line cable, splitter, everything. I now have a proper UTStarcom modem (instead of that lousy Huawei junk) and (touchwood) link has stayed up past 3 days :-)

I am happy

Be As A NULL - Chuck De India

2007-09-03T12:05:00.000+05:30

I have a problem with my BSNL Internet connection:
When I initialize the Huawei SmartAX DSL modem provided by BSNL, it does not sync. The little green LED that is supposed to turn orange when link is UP, continues to blink green. If I let it stay on for a few hours or days, it does sync up eventually. Trouble is, with power-cuts in Bangalore, it often gets restarted again and story continues. My guess is the cheap Huawei modem must have lost it. 18 months is more than I ever expected it to function! Wonder if anyone else faced the same behavior?

I will try to get BSNL to replace the piece since it is supposed to be on rent. I shudder at the thought of visiting their offices, though. The few times someone responded to my complaint on phone, they gurgled in Kannada and couldn't even state their purpose for calling in English. After a few minutes of us both attempting some broken English, the line goes dead. The problem remains unsolved after 2 months -- although, very sweetly, they close the docket number each time they call. Probably citing the reason: "Customer was unable to say what the problem is!"

As you can imagine, I opted for a BSNL connection for DSL at home more out of Airtel's reluctance to light up my part of town than any bias for BSNL. To be fair, BSNL service has been quite good so far. That is, as long as you do not need any service. The download speeds have been between 500 and 700 Kbps on a shared 2Mbps pipe (which is rather impressive) and the link, surprisingly, has almost always been up. All this for a measly Rs.550 a month!

Despite these positives, the reason people still run far away from BSNL is the trauma that follows a service request. Most such services are hardly luxury anymore and have a direct impact on our businesses and jobs. The only person whose job is rooted in concrete happens to be the technical chap responsible for getting us back online. He has no motivation (read: fear) to improve either his communication skills or empathy. Airtel, on the other hand, would hire zombies to man the call-center but eventually you'd spook someone with the skills to fix your line.

TRAI has now recommended that 30% spectrum be reserved for BSNL/MTNL even in upcoming wireless technology. That should spur them into fearing for their jobs and improving their skills/service levels. Yeah, right!

I am sure a patriotic Bhaiyya is making some poor Kannadiga suffer similarly in Kanpur. And so on, in every state, in every babudom. I am all for the glory of regional languages. But are basic services the right forum to demonstrate that? When the British left, they may as well have repainted all sign-boards to read: "Dogs and Out-of-State Indians Not Allowed".

Dark But Pretty

2007-08-28T13:55:00.001+05:30

These three words form the most commonly uttered phrase in India, probably beating even "I Love you". It sums up our collective psyche in a neat nutshell. It never fails to amuse me: "Dark, but Pretty"

It has multiple emotions layered in the nuances. It is a compliment, of course. Then, it is sympathy, for you are dark. It is hope, so what if you are dark. It is also justification, at least you are pretty. It gets defensive, it is full of pride. It is also a misplaced show of affection from most mothers and aunts to their daughters. It is not uncommon to hear one mom tell another on a park bench, "My Rhea is dark but she is pretty"; or to hear mummyji confess, "My son's bride might be bit dark but she has sharp features"...

My favorite is, "She is dark but she has an amazing sense of fashion!"

You are expected to lose your sense of fashion, sense of humor and even sense of direction merely by being a certain color. This is not racism. Quite ironically, the blind-faith in power of the Pale exists in a country where majority of the population is rather melanin-rich. Many years and many ebony lasses romping down the catwalk later, we still deny a concept that can be "Dark And Pretty". A flat nosed fair woman is considered a better catch in the marriage market than a yummy full-lipped, bright-eyed darker woman. Very few models make it big if they are dark-skinned, but the legendary ones (ohmigod!) have almost all been so.

Of course, times are changing.

Now even being a tall, dark and handsome man is fraught with danger. The new face of India is 'fair and handsome' and not afraid to say it. Six decades of obsessive over-use of fairness creams (and none the lighter for it) have taught us one lesson-- try harder the next six and this time, make sure the men are fair too! Life will not be "Fair" to us until then. If anyone doubts the credential of such claims, we have SRK targeting the metrosexual man in latest TVCs on air.

In true chicken and egg tradition, it is difficult to identify the origin of this stereotype. Fairness creams exist because people want to be fair. People want to be fair because they are told, often by these creams, that a lighter shade heralds a brighter life. Or, is it possible that, political correctness notwithstanding, people do see better jobs, promotions and boyfriends (now, also girlfriends) landing in the lap of the gori-chamdis?

I would love to bring Kabir into a world where it really don't matter if you are black or white (Michael Jackson promptly turned white after making this grand declaration. If it is any consolation, he was more salable before all his color drained out). To begin with, I'll call a Spade a Spade. Whether it is pretty or not depends on the other cards that Life has dealt me. Deal with it!

The Axe (on Foot) Effect

2007-08-18T10:13:00.000+05:30

Coming back to my favorite topic-- Bangalore Road Traffic. I am amused how much company I have while blogging this theme; almost any and every blog that mentions Bangalore also mentions the crazy traffic. Hyuk! hyuk!

Every city in India is crowded and congested. Note that the Bangalore traffic, though, is defined as "crazy"... not necessarily more in number or backed up due to poor roads. That is what makes Bangalore traffic situation unique.

Thanks to IT fellows traveling all over the world, it is natural to compare our traffic and find even third-world nations like Indonesia and Philippines manage better. The difference lies in the heterogeneity of traffic in Bangalore. We have equally large numbers of 2-wheelers, 3-wheelers, 4-wheelers and 6-wheelers plying on the roads. Each type of vehicle has its own characteristic. If a 2-wheeler guy sees space between 2 cars, he is bound to squeeze in. It is not a fault, but the nature of that vehicle. Similarly, a bus is expected to expect right-of-way. Again, it is natural by the size and sturdiness of that monster. As long as everyone follows a certain lane discipline, they follow vehicles of their own type, things flow smooth. When they start flitting in and out of each others' lane, causing sudden and dangerous brakes to be applied, is when the link starts to break.

Internationally, the right lane is for fast moving traffic and left-most is for slower traffic. Where the International conventions diverge from Bangalore Logic is that they think of cars as fast-moving traffic, followed by buses and trucks. Bikes and assorted vehicles belong to the leftmost lane. For us, the order is reversed and it is a matter of pride for everyone to belong to the right lane. So you will see a smoke-spewing (whatever happened to PUC?) rickety rickshaw plodding along in the fast-lane, with an SUV and a Bike jostling to overtake. While these nimble nut cases duel, the cars begin to pile up all the way to Timbuktu.

People tend to exclaim that Bangalore traffic has increased beyond control! A more patient observation reveals that the "number" of vehicles on road is a mere fraction of the quantity seen in other Indian and Asian cities. The situation merely gets exaggerated by everyone being in all lanes at once! The traffic cops could reduce their burden many-times by introducing strict lane-discipline and penalize people cutting across lanes.

This small and cost-effective measure could make going to work a pleasant experience, without adding more useless fly-overs and metro-rails to the mix.

Of course, reducing the number of auto-rickshaws in favor of more cabs and buses is always a welcome fantasy.

Yahoo! Male Beta

2007-07-22T16:43:00.000+05:30

The date 20.07.2007 is interesting in more ways than one for me. This is the day that I joined the long and weary legion of the brave breed known as... fathers.

They talk of lucky dates and lucky times nowadays. Apparently, 21st is a luckier date than 20th. Apparently Saturday is luckier than Friday. Apparently, Leo is better than Cancer. In fact, people even schedule their child birth to ensure optimum luck. Genetic engineering of the Divine kind?

But I know that Bumpy's luck started even before he was born. Bumpy was lucky to have a super strong mom who bore the pain so well, not letting everyone else panic more. Labor started earlier than they expected, even before her ob-gyn could reach. But Bumpy decided on a lucky time to come. Lucky because the doctor and anesthetist were on the way to hospital for another scheduled C-section. So Bumpy was delivered under care of the best in the business!

The story started late on Thursday night with absolutely no symptoms. Contrary to urban legends, Bumpy was very comfortable inside and showed no signs of coming even a week later. The doctor decided not to wait for Bumpy to share his birthday with Harry Potter on 21st July and induced labor a day early instead. The first hour we wondered if they were gonna send us back home next day, without a baby to show for the troubles.

Within a couple of hours, she was howling in pain. An anxious hour later, Bumpy was born. An hour that seemed the longest in history. An hour in which every scream, every yelp sounded final. A time when we knew all would be well, yet our hearts rammed against our chest fearing the worst.

Having a male child is the pinnacle of God's blessing in India. We were keen to have a daughter. Our family has an overflow of sons anyway. When the nurse peeked out to say "Its a boy!", some of the old ladies in the waiting room gave me glances of overjoy and envy at the same time. I am sure they found my return-envy whacko for all infants born that day, except ours, were female.

Then the nurse brought something out for us. The moment they first show you the baby is the best yet most surreal ever. This is me. This came from me. This is my new family! One look at the dried-raisin (aka Bumpy), and I to forgot all about lucky dates, lucky gender and lucky luck. I fell in love with his mom all over again.

Wow. Yahoo. Hurray. Baap Re!

His mom will blog his arrival on the official Bumpy blog, once she finishes going through the last Harry Potter installment (for which I let Crossword fleece me of a thousand bucks today!!). He still has to come home. We still have to name the kid. We still haven't started waking nights to clean the poo and feed the puke-e-mon. But boy! Am I looking forward to it. Here's wishing a long, healthy and humor-filled life ahead for you...

Rangashankara, Marine Drive and Holding Hands without TV

2007-07-14T17:25:00.002+05:30

I don't have cable TV.

People always end up shocked and open-mouthed when I tell them this. Some people even offer to gift us a TV if we cannot afford one. Because, oh my God, how can one live without TV?? I tell them, I have a TV. I just don't have cable TV, I don't have those 135 channels and counting... and we, my wife and I, have never felt let down yet.

On the other hand, I did get to watch TV for a long-ish spell recently. That actually did let us down. We are expecting a child so I spend a lot of my time at my in-laws house, waiting for the brat to arrive. The mere act of watching TV; of switching through so many channels and yet, finding nothing to watch. Or worse, finding something but wishing that it were not playing on TV. At least not on erstwhile "classy" channels like News and the History Channel. I realised we have been missing nothing. Hard to believe. But worth a try.

It is not that we are entertainment starved. Not having cable allows us to watch movies on DVD, what we want, when we want. We even manage to catch a lot of serials thanks to television DVDs. In addition, we can also reallocate the time saved from Kasamh Se to go view live plays in the theatre. Of course, in Rangashankara Bangalore now has a platform. What it needs is performers, radicals like Makarand Deshpande with guts to do something different, in a different way, with a different vision. I am confident that soon theatre will come alive again.

Ekta Kapoor may be single-handedly responsible for driving people back to the 'live' arts!

Connectile Dysfunction

2007-06-30T13:54:00.001+05:30

Funny TV commercial and website!

The Killer Cabs Strike-- For Their Rights

2007-06-29T15:43:00.000+05:30

From July 1, over 10,000 lorry and cab-drivers in Karnataka will be on strike. They are protesting against the government's heartless ordinance to install speed-governors that would limit their speeds to 65Kmph.

In city conditions, even at the best of times we can hardly exceed 40-50kmph. I cannot imagine why anyone might feel "constrained" if asked to drive at a respectable maximum of 65Kmph. The cabbies might argue that, by this logic, all cars must have a speed-governor installed. Why single out those poor, defenseless killer-machines alone? The answer, in my opinionated opinion, is rather simple.

I pause to ponder, in the few moments immediately succeeding a narrow escape on way to work. I do have a few choices, when an arrogant cab squeezes into a narrow space on my left (even as I am on the left edge of the road myself). I could continue in my lane and bang into the squeezy cab. I could swerve to avoid, and bang into the guy on my right. Or I could brake suddenly, thus saving me from the converging flanks. In this case, the guy behind me would be tempted to ram it in!

In all the cases, one would deem both (or all) the drivers culpable for an accident, if any. The difference is that I am merely a driver, struggling with my gears. He, however, is one with his machine. Like a T-Rex, there is a small but nimble brain inside that gigantic body. Like a crazed T-Rex, the cabbie can stomp through the roads at will and not even feel a scratch. The pedestrians and cars trembling under their shadow are but a few twigs being scrunched in the path of the monster.

This is not a comparison between equals; in fact, this is a fight we can never win. We, who use the road only few minutes in the day, essentially to get off the road and to be someplace else. They, whose skill and guile on the wheel is at the very core of their survival, who earn a living from the road, by the road -- who live on the road. We, the average worker tottering between home and office in a 4 year old Santro. They, the lean, mean, sleep-deprived drivers ferrying call-center executives and harried passengers in their mammoth, well-embellished Sumo and Qualis.

They drive rash because they can. Because they have been on the road long enough to own it. Because the SUVs given to them, in addition to seating more people, is also an imposing creature towering over the rush-hour ants.

They need the speed-governors because we understand that they are under pressure. Pressure from the HR executives to ferry the agents on time, traffic jams be damned. Pressure to work at unearthly hours, with little or no sleep between shifts. Pressure to brave the roads of Puttenhalli at 3AM.

They need speed-governors because they might be pressured enough to not see a frail old lady trying to cross the 6 lane main-road. Because, they may be pressured enough to make mistakes even though they are still human at heart.

They need the speed-governors because, to quote another super-bug: with great power, comes great responsibility.

Bangalore Passport Office - New Improved

2007-06-19T16:13:00.001+05:30

Continuing my previous post on the ordeal of applying for a passport in India. Considering I had an appointment for 3:39PM and at 4:13PM I am already back at my workstation, typing this blog, I'd say it wasn't an ordeal at all -- rather, it was a good deal.

Some observations:

1. The old passport office kept people standing for miles outside, under rain and sun. The new one lets you sit. Under rain and sun for the ones outside, sufficient seating in the Halls inside.

2. At Rs.20 for 4-wheeler parking, the moon-surface parking lot behind the building was a huge improvement and relief, compared to the old office. I wish they'd build Multi-level parking quickly in such prime areas. The parking space is never going to be enough!

3. "Online Applications" are submitted on the first floor. The room is designed like the US Visa consulate, except leg-room between rows is better here. A token system was in place. I registered online last week, so all I had to do was wait for the token to be called. Ironically, many people do not turn up for the appointment, so the token was called 10 minutes early.

4. A Holy Trinity mans the counters. When your number is called, the first one checks whether all papers are in order and retains the application. The lady next to him verifies the information in the application against original documents. Finally the third one accepts the payment and gives a receipt. In my case, old passport was returned after "Cancelled" stamping.
All three were pleasant, polite and spoke English. (Am I in a dream?? But it was true!!)

Some gaffes:

1. The system is still confusing for newbies. Saw many urban ladies and rural families wandering aimlessly.
My View: Have couple of executives wandering WITH them, to assist and guide people. The security guy could do it, but they do nothing... not even make us feel secure!

2. SpeedPost will deliver the new passport and only to the residential address. The RPO still lives in a world where your wife would obviously be home to collect the courier!
My View: Allow for "delivery address" to be different from the residential address on passport. How will this cause any security breach??

All in All?

So far it has been a painless exercise. I commend the RPO for taking the right steps and wish that, for all our sake, they succeed in making this as easy as opening a bank account.

For now, I must wait for the delivery by Speed-Post and/or run around for collection of the courier (since no one at home all week, high probability that it will be returned). Then, of course, starting the process all over again for Bumpy's passport.

Aaaarghhhhh

UPDATE on AUGUST 2

I must blog that my experience has been pretty good with the RPO. The application itself was well regulated using Internet registration. The delivery was done promptly within 20 days of applying. Since I was not at home, the speed post guy left a note. I was able to collect the passport from Speed Post office within 5 minutes this morning. So relieved to see they had not made any typo or other silly errors.

These instances provide some semblance of living in a developed country. Feels great when that happens!!

Passport - Freedom of Movement

2007-06-19T11:50:00.000+05:30

India has been making strides in reforming the most cumbersome of Government processes. At the forefront of this effort are the Income Tax, Election Commission and the Passport Authorities. Considering these affect almost the entire population, success in making these procedures hassle and corruption free will take us quite a few laps forward in the "Developed Nation" tag race.

In Bangalore, two changes have happened as regards the Passport procedure.

The first is outsourcing fresh passport application to something called the "Bangalore One" initiative. This is a public-private partnership with centres across the city. Their aim is to assist citizens of the locality in getting routine government works completed in a techno-savvy, comfortable and courteous surrounding. Typically, one can submit fresh passport application at BangaloreOne with a minimal queue (unlike the three hour wait at the RPO) and with polite, patient guidance from the agent sitting there. I would strongly recommend using their services.

The second has been shifting the Regional Passport Office (RPO) for Karnataka into a massive new building in Koramangala. The earlier passport office was a cramped space in the heart of Bangalore's MG Road. The new premises should help not only process the applications faster, but allow the process to become more transparent and hassle-free.

Of course, being Babus, they cannot help be themselves to some extent. For instance, the website does not give a location map or any landmarks for the new premises. The layout map, the instructions and other details still refer to the old office. The cryptic 'postal address' works only for those who already know the location!!

Then of course, there is the process itself, with its police report and list of documents. Even in the age of nomadic IT workers, the RPO is heavily tilted in favor of "ration-card holders". The alleged reason for making the process so cumbersome, is to prevent people from flying under the radar. As the Katara and Abu Salem cases show, those who need a fake passport can still get it pretty easy. All that these archaic procedures do is to introduce knots into a system, that unravel only with lubrication obtained from "well-versed" facilitators. Hasn't everyone--and i mean, barring no one-- received the police report after greasing the constable palms? This is valid even if you did your first poo poo in that house!!

My take is that while some sections of the bureaucracy are working to mitigate the ills, there are others who wish to retain secret trap doors for misusing the system. It is near impossible to prove misdeeds in such case and the Rs.200 bribe is cheaper than the hassles (and eventual victory) one might gain from protesting.

60 years after the success of Gandhi's freedom movement, freedom of movement still does not seem like a birthright.